I've now done this about 5 times. 16 miles to work and 16 miles back to where I parked my car. I honestly love it. It seems like such an easy way to workout. I mean, I have to go to work anyway, why not ride my bike?
There is a multi-use trail that goes right by where I work. So I drive to the trailhead, get my bike out and ride. I have to go to work anyway, right?
Usually I ride on the roads, and riding on the trail just feels so luxurious. There are no cars to contend with, and the pavement is much smoother than the road. Also, most of the trail bypasses major intersections and it is a greenbelt, so it's scenic too. It is just a pleasure.
Except for the squirrels.
I've decided that squirrels are suicidal. In the morning, they're sleeping but when I'm coming back in the afternoon, they are sitting there by the side of the path, trying to look casual. As I ride by them, and, in fact, I am past them, they will suddenly decide that the OTHER side of the path is where they need to be. Right Now. And, they must get there in front of my bike. So, as I'm peacefully riding along a kamikaze squirrel will race me diagonally and then dive in front of my wheel, while uttering a squirrel yell of Death Before Dishonor.
So far everyone has survived, but how long can this go on? I ask you.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Technology and High School
Technology: The scientific method and material used to achieve a commercial or industrial objective.
We use it everywhere. Gas stations, grocery stores, the local flea market, in the office. And yet, our school system doesn't really utilize it. Why is anyone surprised that our students aren't prepared to take the jobs that are available when they get out of school?
The high school I teach in got new mathematics textbooks. And not just the textbook. The system contains full powerpoint presentations for the text as well as CD and online access. The computer version of the text has very cool movies and interactivity sections that allow the student to explore the mathematical principle without having to write it all down on paper. When I saw all this stuff, I thought, finally I will be able to teach my classes, the way that I taught when I was in the corporate environment.
However, it's not as easy as that to use technology in our schools. I have a macintosh computer in my classroom. There is only one LCD projector that can be used with the mac at our school. I'm going to check it out and see if all I need is an adaptor so that I can use any LCD projector. I really do feel it's important to expose the students to technology as it's used in a business environment, not just as a computer game. I seriously want to make it part of my classroom.
You can also load your classes online and track them. Give them a name and a password, and they can access the text online and not only that, each student can take online interactive quizzes which are instantly scored, so you can see immediately how your class is doing without having to do all of that painful by hand grading.
I've tried communicating this to the other math teachers. You would have thought I was offering poison.
"The kids are having a hard enough time already, just finding the page number."
"Wow, that sounds like a lot of work! I don't think I'll do that."
Does anyone else find this very sad and frustrating? Shouldn't we (as teachers) be using all of the tools that we have in order to better prepare our students to be productive members of society, and not incidentally, to be able to make a decent living?
We use it everywhere. Gas stations, grocery stores, the local flea market, in the office. And yet, our school system doesn't really utilize it. Why is anyone surprised that our students aren't prepared to take the jobs that are available when they get out of school?
The high school I teach in got new mathematics textbooks. And not just the textbook. The system contains full powerpoint presentations for the text as well as CD and online access. The computer version of the text has very cool movies and interactivity sections that allow the student to explore the mathematical principle without having to write it all down on paper. When I saw all this stuff, I thought, finally I will be able to teach my classes, the way that I taught when I was in the corporate environment.
However, it's not as easy as that to use technology in our schools. I have a macintosh computer in my classroom. There is only one LCD projector that can be used with the mac at our school. I'm going to check it out and see if all I need is an adaptor so that I can use any LCD projector. I really do feel it's important to expose the students to technology as it's used in a business environment, not just as a computer game. I seriously want to make it part of my classroom.
You can also load your classes online and track them. Give them a name and a password, and they can access the text online and not only that, each student can take online interactive quizzes which are instantly scored, so you can see immediately how your class is doing without having to do all of that painful by hand grading.
I've tried communicating this to the other math teachers. You would have thought I was offering poison.
"The kids are having a hard enough time already, just finding the page number."
"Wow, that sounds like a lot of work! I don't think I'll do that."
Does anyone else find this very sad and frustrating? Shouldn't we (as teachers) be using all of the tools that we have in order to better prepare our students to be productive members of society, and not incidentally, to be able to make a decent living?
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Practice
Failure: The condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends.
I was reminded last night that just because I've done something perfectly in the past doesn't mean that I will be able to repeat that experience.
Specifically, I cooked dinner last night with some help from my kids. We were going to have chicken and dumplings. We also made banana bread. Now. Both of these items are things that I have made many, many times. However, I haven't really cooked or baked for some months. At least, not serious things like an actual dinner.
Both items needed to cook for a bit, so I left the kitchen.
Maybe you can guess what happened next. Yeah, that's right. They both got burnt to a crisp.
I'm redeeming myself this morning with coffee cake for breakfast. And, you're right. I wouldn't have been making it if I hadn't failed so spectacularly last night.
I was reminded last night that just because I've done something perfectly in the past doesn't mean that I will be able to repeat that experience.
Specifically, I cooked dinner last night with some help from my kids. We were going to have chicken and dumplings. We also made banana bread. Now. Both of these items are things that I have made many, many times. However, I haven't really cooked or baked for some months. At least, not serious things like an actual dinner.
Both items needed to cook for a bit, so I left the kitchen.
Maybe you can guess what happened next. Yeah, that's right. They both got burnt to a crisp.
I'm redeeming myself this morning with coffee cake for breakfast. And, you're right. I wouldn't have been making it if I hadn't failed so spectacularly last night.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Rain Running
Visceral: Obtained through intuition rather than from reasoning or observation.
I went running in the rain yesterday. Nothing can beat the experience of being outside and experiencing the visceral feel of all your senses informing you of the world. Being outside, is a way for me to connect to myself, to meditate, to smooth out the rough edges. There's something about movement that allows this to happen. As I see the world this way, up close and personal, and with no barriers between me and the experience, I am always struck by moments of complete awe.
It makes me feel sad for all those people, working out in the gym, running endlessly to nowhere, eyes glued to a television screen. They're missing out on so much.
I went running in the rain yesterday. Nothing can beat the experience of being outside and experiencing the visceral feel of all your senses informing you of the world. Being outside, is a way for me to connect to myself, to meditate, to smooth out the rough edges. There's something about movement that allows this to happen. As I see the world this way, up close and personal, and with no barriers between me and the experience, I am always struck by moments of complete awe.
It makes me feel sad for all those people, working out in the gym, running endlessly to nowhere, eyes glued to a television screen. They're missing out on so much.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Rainfall
Thunderstorm: A transient, sometimes violent storm of thunder and lightning, often accompanied by rain and sometimes hail.
It started raining today for the first time in months. The first sign that summer is officially over and fall is now here. The smell of the rain hitting the hot, baked fields only comes once a year. We even had thunder and lightening which is so unusual for the Bay Area. It reminded me of where I grew up and the summer thunderstorms. Watching the lightening track across the sky and then counting the seconds afterwards to figure out how far away it was.
I remember once, when I was about 15, awakening in the middle of the night to the sound of continous rolling thunder. I could see the lightening flashes through my window. It was almost constant. A parade of lightening marching across the earth.
I got up and went downstairs so I could watch through the big picture window in the kitchen. As I entered the dark kitchen, I found most of my family already there. No one spoke. We just gathered in silence to view the storm. One by one the rest of the family members joined us.
I don't know how long it lasted. Forever and just a blink of the eye. The dark moonless night, constantly split in two by the bright blue-white zigzag of the lightening. Then, almost immediately, the crack of the thunder. So loud, that the windows on house rattled.
Finally, the storm moved off, walking across the sky on legs of thunder. The house returned to stillness. Without speaking, holding the experience within ourselves, we returned to our beds and to peaceful slumber.
It started raining today for the first time in months. The first sign that summer is officially over and fall is now here. The smell of the rain hitting the hot, baked fields only comes once a year. We even had thunder and lightening which is so unusual for the Bay Area. It reminded me of where I grew up and the summer thunderstorms. Watching the lightening track across the sky and then counting the seconds afterwards to figure out how far away it was.
I remember once, when I was about 15, awakening in the middle of the night to the sound of continous rolling thunder. I could see the lightening flashes through my window. It was almost constant. A parade of lightening marching across the earth.
I got up and went downstairs so I could watch through the big picture window in the kitchen. As I entered the dark kitchen, I found most of my family already there. No one spoke. We just gathered in silence to view the storm. One by one the rest of the family members joined us.
I don't know how long it lasted. Forever and just a blink of the eye. The dark moonless night, constantly split in two by the bright blue-white zigzag of the lightening. Then, almost immediately, the crack of the thunder. So loud, that the windows on house rattled.
Finally, the storm moved off, walking across the sky on legs of thunder. The house returned to stillness. Without speaking, holding the experience within ourselves, we returned to our beds and to peaceful slumber.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Growing Up
Adult: One that has arrived at full development or maturity especially in size, strength, or intellectual capacity.
I only see my kids every other weekend (they chose to go live with the ex), and I didn't see them at all for the month of August, as that was the ex's summer month. This weekend was the first time I've seen them since July 31.
My son is taller than I am.
Now, my daughter has been taller than me for quite some time, but suddenly standing next to my son and realizing that I have to look up to meet his eyes was somewhat of a shock. I knew this moment was coming though, as we were exactly the same height in July, and he has been on a huge growth spurt ever since last September. This whole last year, every time I saw him, I could swear he'd grown an inch.
But.
This was the first time I've had to look UP at him.
It made me sad because I realized that they are both growing up and while I will always think of them as my little kids, that is not who they are anymore.
On the other hand, they have both turned into very cool people in their own right, and I am so proud that they are my kids.
I only see my kids every other weekend (they chose to go live with the ex), and I didn't see them at all for the month of August, as that was the ex's summer month. This weekend was the first time I've seen them since July 31.
My son is taller than I am.
Now, my daughter has been taller than me for quite some time, but suddenly standing next to my son and realizing that I have to look up to meet his eyes was somewhat of a shock. I knew this moment was coming though, as we were exactly the same height in July, and he has been on a huge growth spurt ever since last September. This whole last year, every time I saw him, I could swear he'd grown an inch.
But.
This was the first time I've had to look UP at him.
It made me sad because I realized that they are both growing up and while I will always think of them as my little kids, that is not who they are anymore.
On the other hand, they have both turned into very cool people in their own right, and I am so proud that they are my kids.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Renaissance Faire
Fantasy: The creative imagination; unrestrained fancy.
We've gone to the Renaissance Faire for the last few years, every year. We go and watch the same shows and enjoy the conversations that different people at the Faire will strike up with you. What you get out of it, is definitely up to you. You can enjoy and participate, or think it's silly and look at it with a jaundiced eye.
As a side note, what always amazes me about the women at the Faire is the amount of cleavage on display. Frankly, if someone walked down the street like that, they'd be arrested for indecent exposure. And, What Is It with various and sundry objects stuck down the cleavage? A dagger, a softball?!?, a rose, a giant pickle?
The first year we went, we hardly noticed anything else as the vast amounts of bosom took up all our attention. As we've gone for other years though, we have started to notice the men. Have you ever heard of codpieces? If you haven't, shortly you will know. Basically, it's padding in a certain area of a man's anatomy to "enhance" his natural virtues. Of course, on the websites for the RenFaire, while they show women's cleavage in loving detail, they don't really focus on the codpiece. I don't know why. Of the two, while the cleavage is more flashy, the codpiece is definitely the more memorable.
The other thing that the men do, more so than the women, is to have weapons. Now, a sword and a dagger, ok, that seems to be reasonable. But when someone walks by who is quite literally staggering from the weight of steel and there is not one inch of costume that does not have a sharp object attached to it, you have to wonder.
I'm finally figuring out what it's really about though. It's about the fantasy of living a different life. Of choosing a type of character that you've always wanted to try and being able, if only for a day, to be that person.
A queen, a fairy, a sorceror, a warrior maid, a pirate, a gallant gentleman, a gypsy. You can be anything you want at the Faire.
We've gone to the Renaissance Faire for the last few years, every year. We go and watch the same shows and enjoy the conversations that different people at the Faire will strike up with you. What you get out of it, is definitely up to you. You can enjoy and participate, or think it's silly and look at it with a jaundiced eye.
As a side note, what always amazes me about the women at the Faire is the amount of cleavage on display. Frankly, if someone walked down the street like that, they'd be arrested for indecent exposure. And, What Is It with various and sundry objects stuck down the cleavage? A dagger, a softball?!?, a rose, a giant pickle?
The first year we went, we hardly noticed anything else as the vast amounts of bosom took up all our attention. As we've gone for other years though, we have started to notice the men. Have you ever heard of codpieces? If you haven't, shortly you will know. Basically, it's padding in a certain area of a man's anatomy to "enhance" his natural virtues. Of course, on the websites for the RenFaire, while they show women's cleavage in loving detail, they don't really focus on the codpiece. I don't know why. Of the two, while the cleavage is more flashy, the codpiece is definitely the more memorable.
The other thing that the men do, more so than the women, is to have weapons. Now, a sword and a dagger, ok, that seems to be reasonable. But when someone walks by who is quite literally staggering from the weight of steel and there is not one inch of costume that does not have a sharp object attached to it, you have to wonder.
I'm finally figuring out what it's really about though. It's about the fantasy of living a different life. Of choosing a type of character that you've always wanted to try and being able, if only for a day, to be that person.
A queen, a fairy, a sorceror, a warrior maid, a pirate, a gallant gentleman, a gypsy. You can be anything you want at the Faire.
Friday, September 9, 2005
Well, I guess I'm dead
Blood Pressure: The pressure exerted by the blood against the walls of the blood vessels, especially the arteries.
On my way to somewhere else I had some time to kill. This is not a hardship for me, as almost any store holds the lure of looking at "stuff." Stuff I probably won't buy, mind you, but stuff all the same.
So, I was wandering around in a Raley's Grocery store that happened to be on the way to where I was going. Raley's is great, cause besides the food, they sure do have a lot of stuff. Wine glasses, barbeque grills, a whole entire aisle of makeup, small statues of dragons and wizards, and not incidentally, one of those blood pressure machines.
Being a person who can't resist finding out dippy numbers like that, I sat down to give it a shot.
It squeezed my arm half off, took quite some time to think about things, and then informed me that the test had failed. Officially, Results Were Inconsistent, in a very cryptic manner.
Not daunted I tried it again, and then again, with the same result every time.
So, since I guess I don't have a blood pressure, that must mean that I'm dead. Right? Or, that I need to go to the doctor Right Away.
On my way to somewhere else I had some time to kill. This is not a hardship for me, as almost any store holds the lure of looking at "stuff." Stuff I probably won't buy, mind you, but stuff all the same.
So, I was wandering around in a Raley's Grocery store that happened to be on the way to where I was going. Raley's is great, cause besides the food, they sure do have a lot of stuff. Wine glasses, barbeque grills, a whole entire aisle of makeup, small statues of dragons and wizards, and not incidentally, one of those blood pressure machines.
Being a person who can't resist finding out dippy numbers like that, I sat down to give it a shot.
It squeezed my arm half off, took quite some time to think about things, and then informed me that the test had failed. Officially, Results Were Inconsistent, in a very cryptic manner.
Not daunted I tried it again, and then again, with the same result every time.
So, since I guess I don't have a blood pressure, that must mean that I'm dead. Right? Or, that I need to go to the doctor Right Away.
Wednesday, September 7, 2005
Bike Commuting - Part 4 of 4
Triumph: To be victorious or successful; win.
I have succeeded. After much frustration, the bike commuting plan finally came to fruition today. I got out of the house early enough, I was organized enough and, gosh darn it, I wanted it badly enough.
16 miles, one way. It felt great to be moving along under my own power this morning. It took me a little over an hour to get to work, from the Park and Ride Lot. I felt great getting there. However, being there, at school, at 7:40 am, with all the students and staff was not such a great feeling.
I just felt really weird about anybody I knew seeing me arrive at work on my bike. Along the lines of, "Oh no, if anyone sees me, they'll think I look stupid!" which IS stupid. I mean, who cares? I'm not doing this to impress anyone, but I snuck into my building like a sneak thief anyway. Of course, a whole lot of students saw me, but they don't count. Just people I know.
I guess I'll know I've arrived as a bike commuter when I don't care if people see me or not.
I've determined that the other main requirement is that I can bike home as fast as I bike to work, which I failed at miserably today. It was a LOT harder going home. Of course, having a headwind the Whole Entire Way did not help one little bit.
I have succeeded. After much frustration, the bike commuting plan finally came to fruition today. I got out of the house early enough, I was organized enough and, gosh darn it, I wanted it badly enough.
16 miles, one way. It felt great to be moving along under my own power this morning. It took me a little over an hour to get to work, from the Park and Ride Lot. I felt great getting there. However, being there, at school, at 7:40 am, with all the students and staff was not such a great feeling.
I just felt really weird about anybody I knew seeing me arrive at work on my bike. Along the lines of, "Oh no, if anyone sees me, they'll think I look stupid!" which IS stupid. I mean, who cares? I'm not doing this to impress anyone, but I snuck into my building like a sneak thief anyway. Of course, a whole lot of students saw me, but they don't count. Just people I know.
I guess I'll know I've arrived as a bike commuter when I don't care if people see me or not.
I've determined that the other main requirement is that I can bike home as fast as I bike to work, which I failed at miserably today. It was a LOT harder going home. Of course, having a headwind the Whole Entire Way did not help one little bit.
Tuesday, September 6, 2005
First Day of School
Organized: Efficient and methodical.
The first day of school is tomorrow. I had great plans this year that I would be very organized and have everything under control, but it is not working out that way.
All teachers have to follow a pre-determined set of lesson plans for the first three days of school. If you've ever been on a corporate "team-building" seminar, you have a pretty good idea of what we'll be doing. It's going to be interesting. First of all, to get the students to buy into the activities and second, for me to find the time to talk to them about how I want my classroom and how I want them to behave in my classroom.
The other thing is that my schedule of classes was up in the air for a few days. You'd think that it might be a really good thing for your schedule of classes to be finalized before the first day of school, but no, it's more fun to try and change things around at the last minute. After much discussion, my schedule is remaining exactly the same as it was before, which I am happy with. However, my preparation was thrown off just a wee tad.
We'll see how tomorrow goes. I might have a nervous breakdown, but then again...
The first day of school is tomorrow. I had great plans this year that I would be very organized and have everything under control, but it is not working out that way.
All teachers have to follow a pre-determined set of lesson plans for the first three days of school. If you've ever been on a corporate "team-building" seminar, you have a pretty good idea of what we'll be doing. It's going to be interesting. First of all, to get the students to buy into the activities and second, for me to find the time to talk to them about how I want my classroom and how I want them to behave in my classroom.
The other thing is that my schedule of classes was up in the air for a few days. You'd think that it might be a really good thing for your schedule of classes to be finalized before the first day of school, but no, it's more fun to try and change things around at the last minute. After much discussion, my schedule is remaining exactly the same as it was before, which I am happy with. However, my preparation was thrown off just a wee tad.
We'll see how tomorrow goes. I might have a nervous breakdown, but then again...
Thursday, September 1, 2005
Bike Commuting - Part 3 of ?
Conscientious: Guided by or in accordance with the dictates of conscience; principled.
One of these days it'll happen. Birds will sing, bees will hum, the planets will align and I WILL Bike Commute!
However, that day was NOT today.
Today, I checked my email before I left, and had an emergency message that I might have to attend a seminar at another site and to come to school to find out for sure. So, being the conscientious person that I am, I could not pretend like I had not read the message and bike commute anyway.
I will try again, and again, and again, until it happens.
There is probably some really great lesson to be learned here, about the power of perseverance or something. Or, on the other hand, it could just be an exercise in complete frustration.
One of these days it'll happen. Birds will sing, bees will hum, the planets will align and I WILL Bike Commute!
However, that day was NOT today.
Today, I checked my email before I left, and had an emergency message that I might have to attend a seminar at another site and to come to school to find out for sure. So, being the conscientious person that I am, I could not pretend like I had not read the message and bike commute anyway.
I will try again, and again, and again, until it happens.
There is probably some really great lesson to be learned here, about the power of perseverance or something. Or, on the other hand, it could just be an exercise in complete frustration.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Bike Commuting - Part Deux
Pierce: (1) To cut or pass through with or as if with a sharp instrument; stab or penetrate. (2) To make a hole or opening in; perforate.
Do you ever feel like the universe is laughing up it's sleeve at you?
I was ready to bike commute today. Bike, Check. Stuff for Work, Check. Lunch, Check. I got everything put together including mega amounts of food. (Cause if you're a teacher, working on site before the students return, they don't feed you.) I drove to the park and ride lot. So far, everything is peachy keen.
Got the bike out, pumped up the tires, got the backpack I'm ready to go.
About a mile into the ride the back tire goes flat. (Note: Why is it always the back tire that goes flat when you are in a hurry?) Uh oh. Didn't give myself enough time for a flat on the way there. Ok. I will fix it and just ride back to the park and ride lot and then drive the rest of the way. Otherwise, I'll be late, which would be Very Very Bad.
I get the tire off, and there is a huge stick stuck through the tire. (Note: It wasn't THAT big, but man, when it's stuck through your tire and you cannot, damn it, get it OUT! it starts to assume the proportions of a small tree.) Took me forever to remove the stick from the tire. A few bike people happen by and ask if I need help, but no, I have everything I need, I just need a pair of industrial pliers to get this stupid piece of wood OUT of my tire.
In the meantime an Ancient Chinese Guru comes by and hangs around for a while just to offer "helpful" comments.
Ancient Chinese Guru: Confucius say - Skinny tires - bad, not sturdy! (Thumps gently on my front tire, which is just FINE thank you.)
Me: Look at him, and go back to absorbing task of removing stick from rear tire.
Ancient Chinese Guru: Confucius say - Get a fat tire bike. Strong, like ox.
Me: Nod while thinking - Would you kindly just go back to your fortune cookie, or wherever you came from, and leave me alone?
Ancient Chinese Guru: I have fat tire bike, never a problem!
Me: Oh.
Ancient Chinese Guru: Gives up on me and walks down the path.
Finally, finally, I have the tube on, the tire on, and the CO2 and I am ready to pump up the tire. Pump it up, get on, pedal twice, and the tire goes flat AGAIN! Why me? That's ALL I want to know. I'm ready to get off and walk back to my car, really fast, as I don't want to damage my rim, but coming back towards me, who do I see? That's right. Very Helpful Chinese Guru Guy. So. I pedal by him, as if I don't have a care in the world. As soon as I get around the corner, I get off and start hoofing it back to the car.
As I'm walking, Helpful Bike Guy comes along. Asks me if I need a tube, I say No, cause I'm almost there. Then in a display of brilliant obviousness tells me that my tire isn't on the rim. Duh. I know my tire is half off, that is because my tire is Flatter Than a Pancake. All right? Just go away.
Make it back to my car, after about a million years, put my bike in the car, put myself in the drivers seat, and stress out all the rest of the way to work about being late.
I arrive at 7:56 am, race to my room, change my clothes at the speed of light and arrive at the meeting at 7:59 am.
Do you ever feel like the universe is laughing up it's sleeve at you?
I was ready to bike commute today. Bike, Check. Stuff for Work, Check. Lunch, Check. I got everything put together including mega amounts of food. (Cause if you're a teacher, working on site before the students return, they don't feed you.) I drove to the park and ride lot. So far, everything is peachy keen.
Got the bike out, pumped up the tires, got the backpack I'm ready to go.
About a mile into the ride the back tire goes flat. (Note: Why is it always the back tire that goes flat when you are in a hurry?) Uh oh. Didn't give myself enough time for a flat on the way there. Ok. I will fix it and just ride back to the park and ride lot and then drive the rest of the way. Otherwise, I'll be late, which would be Very Very Bad.
I get the tire off, and there is a huge stick stuck through the tire. (Note: It wasn't THAT big, but man, when it's stuck through your tire and you cannot, damn it, get it OUT! it starts to assume the proportions of a small tree.) Took me forever to remove the stick from the tire. A few bike people happen by and ask if I need help, but no, I have everything I need, I just need a pair of industrial pliers to get this stupid piece of wood OUT of my tire.
In the meantime an Ancient Chinese Guru comes by and hangs around for a while just to offer "helpful" comments.
Ancient Chinese Guru: Confucius say - Skinny tires - bad, not sturdy! (Thumps gently on my front tire, which is just FINE thank you.)
Me: Look at him, and go back to absorbing task of removing stick from rear tire.
Ancient Chinese Guru: Confucius say - Get a fat tire bike. Strong, like ox.
Me: Nod while thinking - Would you kindly just go back to your fortune cookie, or wherever you came from, and leave me alone?
Ancient Chinese Guru: I have fat tire bike, never a problem!
Me: Oh.
Ancient Chinese Guru: Gives up on me and walks down the path.
Finally, finally, I have the tube on, the tire on, and the CO2 and I am ready to pump up the tire. Pump it up, get on, pedal twice, and the tire goes flat AGAIN! Why me? That's ALL I want to know. I'm ready to get off and walk back to my car, really fast, as I don't want to damage my rim, but coming back towards me, who do I see? That's right. Very Helpful Chinese Guru Guy. So. I pedal by him, as if I don't have a care in the world. As soon as I get around the corner, I get off and start hoofing it back to the car.
As I'm walking, Helpful Bike Guy comes along. Asks me if I need a tube, I say No, cause I'm almost there. Then in a display of brilliant obviousness tells me that my tire isn't on the rim. Duh. I know my tire is half off, that is because my tire is Flatter Than a Pancake. All right? Just go away.
Make it back to my car, after about a million years, put my bike in the car, put myself in the drivers seat, and stress out all the rest of the way to work about being late.
I arrive at 7:56 am, race to my room, change my clothes at the speed of light and arrive at the meeting at 7:59 am.
Monday, August 29, 2005
Bike Commuting
Fiasco: A complete failure.
I WAS going to bike-commute today. I swear I was. First of all to save on gas, which is becoming a major expense. Pretty soon now they are going to start asking for blood along with the money. "That'll be an ounce of blood per gallon please." Besides the fact that I am a cheapskate and do not feel like supporting the oil refineries, the second and more noble motive is to keep me in shape.
The universe conspired against me today though.
I got all my stuff ready last night and set the alarm, which faithfully went off at oh-dark-30. After I remembered, that yes, I HAD done that on purpose, I got up, got into my Cool Bike Clothing (T-shirt and shorts) and prepared to take off.
Then, I got out the information sheet just to make sure that everything was as it should be. As I started reading, it looked like Greek. Oh, that's because it's upside down. Ok, ummm.... it still looks like Greek.
Should start at 8:30 - why does this say 7:30?
Should be at Very Convenient to Bike Path Location - why does this say it's Not There, You Fool. It's Way to Hell and Gone Out There.
Read it again just to make sure, and again. What happened here? My theory is someone came in and switched it on me, out of pure maliciousness. Things like this happen to me all the time.
Luckily, I had arisen Very Early. So, I did the Superman clothing trick, where you walk into a phone booth and walk out 10 seconds later as a completely different person. In my case, I transformed from Bike Goddess to Serious Educator, and then walked out the door. Only an hour in my car later, I arrived, 5 minutes early, at 7:25.
I was really thinking that I could bike-commute tomorrow, but no, because we have to appear at Ridiculous Location for the morning, and then at lunch (i.e. commute while eating) we have to go to our school site for the afternoon session.
However, I WILL Bike Commute sometime this week. No Matter What.
I WAS going to bike-commute today. I swear I was. First of all to save on gas, which is becoming a major expense. Pretty soon now they are going to start asking for blood along with the money. "That'll be an ounce of blood per gallon please." Besides the fact that I am a cheapskate and do not feel like supporting the oil refineries, the second and more noble motive is to keep me in shape.
The universe conspired against me today though.
I got all my stuff ready last night and set the alarm, which faithfully went off at oh-dark-30. After I remembered, that yes, I HAD done that on purpose, I got up, got into my Cool Bike Clothing (T-shirt and shorts) and prepared to take off.
Then, I got out the information sheet just to make sure that everything was as it should be. As I started reading, it looked like Greek. Oh, that's because it's upside down. Ok, ummm.... it still looks like Greek.
Should start at 8:30 - why does this say 7:30?
Should be at Very Convenient to Bike Path Location - why does this say it's Not There, You Fool. It's Way to Hell and Gone Out There.
Read it again just to make sure, and again. What happened here? My theory is someone came in and switched it on me, out of pure maliciousness. Things like this happen to me all the time.
Luckily, I had arisen Very Early. So, I did the Superman clothing trick, where you walk into a phone booth and walk out 10 seconds later as a completely different person. In my case, I transformed from Bike Goddess to Serious Educator, and then walked out the door. Only an hour in my car later, I arrived, 5 minutes early, at 7:25.
I was really thinking that I could bike-commute tomorrow, but no, because we have to appear at Ridiculous Location for the morning, and then at lunch (i.e. commute while eating) we have to go to our school site for the afternoon session.
However, I WILL Bike Commute sometime this week. No Matter What.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Skinny Feet
Lean: Not fleshy or fat; thin.
I have skinny feet again. Like the first sign of spring, my ankles and feet are the first part of me that are showing signs of athleticism.
I remember last year, at this same time, I felt like my feet had betrayed me. They were fat, and they were old. You know what I mean. Those feet and ankles that have to be squished into shoes and that you look at and hope, really hope, that your feet never end up looking that way.
Well, mine did look that way. But, I've come to realize that my feet did not betray me, rather, I betrayed them. I did not eat right, I did not exercise, I did not drink enough water. How could I expect my feet to stay skinny?
Well, now that I've been doing all that stuff, my feet are back with the program. They love me, and I love them. No more puffy ankles. No more lines from my shoes.
So, I must keep working out, if only to keep my skinny feet.
I have skinny feet again. Like the first sign of spring, my ankles and feet are the first part of me that are showing signs of athleticism.
I remember last year, at this same time, I felt like my feet had betrayed me. They were fat, and they were old. You know what I mean. Those feet and ankles that have to be squished into shoes and that you look at and hope, really hope, that your feet never end up looking that way.
Well, mine did look that way. But, I've come to realize that my feet did not betray me, rather, I betrayed them. I did not eat right, I did not exercise, I did not drink enough water. How could I expect my feet to stay skinny?
Well, now that I've been doing all that stuff, my feet are back with the program. They love me, and I love them. No more puffy ankles. No more lines from my shoes.
So, I must keep working out, if only to keep my skinny feet.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Swimming
I love swimming. I love the feeling of weightlessness that the water brings me. I don't feel fat, or heavy, or anything else. Swimming doesn't have weight limitations like other sports do.
Try running. If you're overweight, it's going to slow you down dramatically. Same with biking. Downhills are nice, but those uphills, those are killer if you're dragging extra poundage around with you.
But swimming doesn't feel that way - it's just me and the water, and I can forget about the fact that I'm fat for a while. Until I get out. Then I have to return to earth and reassume my heavy form, and feel gravity dragging me down.
___________________
Today, we did a fast set. Swimming fast is so much different than gliding through the water. The water becomes your enemy, something to be tamed.
5 100's. 50 kick, 50 swim on 3 minute intervals.
All of us kick off together. Kicking as hard as we can, breathing hard too. Get to the end, turn, damn board is in the way, and kick back, hanging on for dear life. Throw the board up on the side and go, go, go. Swimming as fast as you can, even faster if you can make it. It's only 50 but you feel like you're going to die.
2:08
Rest - heart beating, breath pounding in and out. Maybe I'll stop here. Maybe I'll just rest. I'm going again. Not thinking about it, just kicking, kicking, kicking. Turn, trying to make it faster this time. kick back, faster, faster. Toss the board and start to swim. My legs are dead. They feel like they're not going to move again for the next million years. That's ok - hit the wall, flip turn, gasp for breath as my head breaks the water. Swim back, turning over my arms as fast as possible, breathing in with every stroke.
2:10
Damn- I was slower that time. Lie back on the water, let it cradle me into it's embrace as every fiber tries to reset itself from this insult I've pushed upon it. Get ready to go - 3rd one, we're in the middle now. Kick again. Fast, fast. I feel the tiredness creeping up my legs, but I ignore it and only think about kicking faster, faster. Hit the wall, throw the board, hear the coach yelling "Go, go!" and I go. Swimming like a shark is after me. Flip turn at the wall, I know I'm going to die from oxygen deprivation from the flip turn, and head back. Realize that I just barely have to turn my head to the side to breathe because of the wake my head is creating in the water. Think about this for a second, as I swim as fast as I can into the wall as the coach is calling out times.
2:07
2:07? 2 seconds faster than the first one, and I feel like I've won some kind of record, as I pant, and pant, trying to regain my breath. Only 2 to go. Kicking again, and my legs are really tired now, but I ignore them and kick as hard and fast as I can. I'm going to keep the same time. I feel like I'm going faster, just a bit. Hit the wall - toss the board and swim. My legs really are dead this time, but my arms are strong. I see the water splashing all around me, this isn't any smooth glide I'm doing here but I've got turnover. Try to bounce off the far end as fast as I can, just because I need to BREATHE! Come up with a huge gasp while my arms continue to churn like windmills and I make my legs help out.
2:09
I don't even care what the time was. I just want to rest. Float on my back hearing my heart beat pounding in my ears. 1 more. Only one. I can do it, it's only one more. At least this is what I tell myself as I line up once again on the wall. And we're off, and I'm not even thinking now, I'm just kicking for all I'm worth. My legs don't like this, but I tell them to shut up, cause they're going to do it whether they like it or not. Hit the wall, toss the board, and go. Trying to get the turnaround faster, faster. I'm breathing like a bellows now, and I can feel the tiredness in my shoulders, my back, my arms. But it's only 50. I can do it for 50. I flip at the wall, dragging in a huge breath as I surface, and head back. All I know is that I'm almost done. I'm trying to finish strong but my tired arms and legs are holding me back. Finally I'm there, and as I grab for the wall the coach says
2:08
Now I can feel the muscle tiredness through my whole body, but I turn and do some more laps, I know I need to work this out so that I feel good tomorrow.
As I get out of the pool, the coach says "Good job, you were really pushing there."
Effort forgotten, I float off.
Try running. If you're overweight, it's going to slow you down dramatically. Same with biking. Downhills are nice, but those uphills, those are killer if you're dragging extra poundage around with you.
But swimming doesn't feel that way - it's just me and the water, and I can forget about the fact that I'm fat for a while. Until I get out. Then I have to return to earth and reassume my heavy form, and feel gravity dragging me down.
___________________
Today, we did a fast set. Swimming fast is so much different than gliding through the water. The water becomes your enemy, something to be tamed.
5 100's. 50 kick, 50 swim on 3 minute intervals.
All of us kick off together. Kicking as hard as we can, breathing hard too. Get to the end, turn, damn board is in the way, and kick back, hanging on for dear life. Throw the board up on the side and go, go, go. Swimming as fast as you can, even faster if you can make it. It's only 50 but you feel like you're going to die.
2:08
Rest - heart beating, breath pounding in and out. Maybe I'll stop here. Maybe I'll just rest. I'm going again. Not thinking about it, just kicking, kicking, kicking. Turn, trying to make it faster this time. kick back, faster, faster. Toss the board and start to swim. My legs are dead. They feel like they're not going to move again for the next million years. That's ok - hit the wall, flip turn, gasp for breath as my head breaks the water. Swim back, turning over my arms as fast as possible, breathing in with every stroke.
2:10
Damn- I was slower that time. Lie back on the water, let it cradle me into it's embrace as every fiber tries to reset itself from this insult I've pushed upon it. Get ready to go - 3rd one, we're in the middle now. Kick again. Fast, fast. I feel the tiredness creeping up my legs, but I ignore it and only think about kicking faster, faster. Hit the wall, throw the board, hear the coach yelling "Go, go!" and I go. Swimming like a shark is after me. Flip turn at the wall, I know I'm going to die from oxygen deprivation from the flip turn, and head back. Realize that I just barely have to turn my head to the side to breathe because of the wake my head is creating in the water. Think about this for a second, as I swim as fast as I can into the wall as the coach is calling out times.
2:07
2:07? 2 seconds faster than the first one, and I feel like I've won some kind of record, as I pant, and pant, trying to regain my breath. Only 2 to go. Kicking again, and my legs are really tired now, but I ignore them and kick as hard and fast as I can. I'm going to keep the same time. I feel like I'm going faster, just a bit. Hit the wall - toss the board and swim. My legs really are dead this time, but my arms are strong. I see the water splashing all around me, this isn't any smooth glide I'm doing here but I've got turnover. Try to bounce off the far end as fast as I can, just because I need to BREATHE! Come up with a huge gasp while my arms continue to churn like windmills and I make my legs help out.
2:09
I don't even care what the time was. I just want to rest. Float on my back hearing my heart beat pounding in my ears. 1 more. Only one. I can do it, it's only one more. At least this is what I tell myself as I line up once again on the wall. And we're off, and I'm not even thinking now, I'm just kicking for all I'm worth. My legs don't like this, but I tell them to shut up, cause they're going to do it whether they like it or not. Hit the wall, toss the board, and go. Trying to get the turnaround faster, faster. I'm breathing like a bellows now, and I can feel the tiredness in my shoulders, my back, my arms. But it's only 50. I can do it for 50. I flip at the wall, dragging in a huge breath as I surface, and head back. All I know is that I'm almost done. I'm trying to finish strong but my tired arms and legs are holding me back. Finally I'm there, and as I grab for the wall the coach says
2:08
Now I can feel the muscle tiredness through my whole body, but I turn and do some more laps, I know I need to work this out so that I feel good tomorrow.
As I get out of the pool, the coach says "Good job, you were really pushing there."
Effort forgotten, I float off.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
What makes a runner?
I just finished a book called To The Edge by Kirk Johnson. This book is about a man who becomes a runner and decides to complete one of the toughest ultramarathons out there, Badwater.
Badwater is held in Death Valley. In July. It starts at about 7:00 AM and you run from Badwater (the lowest point in the US) to Mt. Whitney (the highest point in the US.) In July. The race starts in the daytime, so that you get to experience the heat of Death Valley at the hottest part of the year and the race is 135 miles, yes, I said miles, long. It's one of the toughest extreme sports races in the world.
This book was very interesting and I recommend it strongly if you want to understand what makes endurance sports tick. Any endurance sport. As the author says, it's just about refusing to quit and so you go on.
But another point that interested me was how much of this ultramarathon the competitors did not actually RUN but WALKED. They walked when it got to hot to run, or if their feet hurt to much, or if the road was to steep. Yeah, they ran part of it, but not all of it. The average mile time you must hit in order to complete this race in the time cutoff is around 26 minutes. This is ultra slow (maybe that's why they call it an ultramarathon.)
Think about that for a minute. A really good mile time is under 4 minutes. If we're talking about a marathon, 26.2 miles, a world class time would be under 2:10, or almost 5 minutes a mile. At Badwater, the record is about 24 hours 36 minutes, or about a 11 minute per mile pace.
So, the question is, what makes someone a runner? It's not that they run the whole darn way. Cause some of them don't. And, it's not that they are necessarily faster than other runners, cause we have fast runners and slow runners. And, it's not a certain distance, because whether you're busting your guts running a mile, or doing a 100 mile run, we still call both of those people runners.
So, my opinion is that a runner is someone who thinks that they are. In other words, if you ask a runner what they did, they'll say that they ran x amount of distance. Not that they walked it, not that they jogged it. That they RAN.
That self-declaration is what makes someone a runner. Or not.
Badwater is held in Death Valley. In July. It starts at about 7:00 AM and you run from Badwater (the lowest point in the US) to Mt. Whitney (the highest point in the US.) In July. The race starts in the daytime, so that you get to experience the heat of Death Valley at the hottest part of the year and the race is 135 miles, yes, I said miles, long. It's one of the toughest extreme sports races in the world.
This book was very interesting and I recommend it strongly if you want to understand what makes endurance sports tick. Any endurance sport. As the author says, it's just about refusing to quit and so you go on.
But another point that interested me was how much of this ultramarathon the competitors did not actually RUN but WALKED. They walked when it got to hot to run, or if their feet hurt to much, or if the road was to steep. Yeah, they ran part of it, but not all of it. The average mile time you must hit in order to complete this race in the time cutoff is around 26 minutes. This is ultra slow (maybe that's why they call it an ultramarathon.)
Think about that for a minute. A really good mile time is under 4 minutes. If we're talking about a marathon, 26.2 miles, a world class time would be under 2:10, or almost 5 minutes a mile. At Badwater, the record is about 24 hours 36 minutes, or about a 11 minute per mile pace.
So, the question is, what makes someone a runner? It's not that they run the whole darn way. Cause some of them don't. And, it's not that they are necessarily faster than other runners, cause we have fast runners and slow runners. And, it's not a certain distance, because whether you're busting your guts running a mile, or doing a 100 mile run, we still call both of those people runners.
So, my opinion is that a runner is someone who thinks that they are. In other words, if you ask a runner what they did, they'll say that they ran x amount of distance. Not that they walked it, not that they jogged it. That they RAN.
That self-declaration is what makes someone a runner. Or not.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Relationships
I've had a few of these. Some good, some not so good. I try to look at all of them as learning experiences. What would I do again? What would I avoid like the plague?
I guess I'm thinking about this right now, because I finally feel ready to jump back into the sea of "single and looking."
I really haven't dated at all for over a year. Some of that was very bad personal stuff going on that threw me for a loop. The rest was the fact that a relationship, which meant a lot to me, ended. Or, I accepted that it was over.
The problem was that this guy was, I thought, The Guy. You know. The One. The Only One. In some ways, I felt like he was a reward for all of the weird crap that I'd gone through while dating. Finally, I'd found someone that was not only normal but who I could actually see being in my life for the very long term. Someone who I would actually share closet space with. Someone who would listen to me if I needed to talk. Someone who I could see growing old with, and telling stories about "Do you remember when..."
Have you ever been with someone who you can say anything at all to, and they will never say, "What do you mean?" The thing is, I could say the most elliptical statement and he would pick up on it. And I could do the same for him. This was not just a one-sided affair.
I totally fell for him. Head over heels into love. Not "If I'm not with you I'll die" obsessiveness, but "Wow, you're great and I'd really like to spend the rest of my life with you." The more time I spent with him, the more time I wanted to spend with him. Something as simple as going to the grocery store became a better experience because he was with me.
Then it ended.
The problem was that these feelings I had for him, did not just disappear. They were still there and as strong as ever. The problem was that the dates I tried to go on, I would compare the date guy to my old flame guy and date guy just couldn't cut it. Not because date guy was so bad, but for the reason that he wasn't my old flame.
I talked to my old flame the other day and I realized, with something close to relief, that while I will always care for him and wish him well, I am no longer "in love." I have some distance. Finally.
He sure was a great guy though. My hope is that if I could find him, that there's got to be someone else out there. Someone else who could be The One for me, and I can be The One for him.
I guess I'm thinking about this right now, because I finally feel ready to jump back into the sea of "single and looking."
I really haven't dated at all for over a year. Some of that was very bad personal stuff going on that threw me for a loop. The rest was the fact that a relationship, which meant a lot to me, ended. Or, I accepted that it was over.
The problem was that this guy was, I thought, The Guy. You know. The One. The Only One. In some ways, I felt like he was a reward for all of the weird crap that I'd gone through while dating. Finally, I'd found someone that was not only normal but who I could actually see being in my life for the very long term. Someone who I would actually share closet space with. Someone who would listen to me if I needed to talk. Someone who I could see growing old with, and telling stories about "Do you remember when..."
Have you ever been with someone who you can say anything at all to, and they will never say, "What do you mean?" The thing is, I could say the most elliptical statement and he would pick up on it. And I could do the same for him. This was not just a one-sided affair.
I totally fell for him. Head over heels into love. Not "If I'm not with you I'll die" obsessiveness, but "Wow, you're great and I'd really like to spend the rest of my life with you." The more time I spent with him, the more time I wanted to spend with him. Something as simple as going to the grocery store became a better experience because he was with me.
Then it ended.
The problem was that these feelings I had for him, did not just disappear. They were still there and as strong as ever. The problem was that the dates I tried to go on, I would compare the date guy to my old flame guy and date guy just couldn't cut it. Not because date guy was so bad, but for the reason that he wasn't my old flame.
I talked to my old flame the other day and I realized, with something close to relief, that while I will always care for him and wish him well, I am no longer "in love." I have some distance. Finally.
He sure was a great guy though. My hope is that if I could find him, that there's got to be someone else out there. Someone else who could be The One for me, and I can be The One for him.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Riding a Bike
There's something about riding a bike. You are immediately more aware of your surroundings than you are in a car. You notice things. You hear things.
The breathtaking beauty of a lake and the contrast between the trees, the water, and the sky.
The velvet brown look of the hills dotted with dark green trees.
The small sound of running water as you ride alongside a mountain stream.
The rush of the wind and the beat of your heart as you race down a hill.
A perfect group of tall flowers standing proudly by the roadside.
The taste, smell and texture of the food you eat.
On a bike, you soak these things in. You fully experience them in a way that you never will when you are riding, insulated from the world, in a car.
The breathtaking beauty of a lake and the contrast between the trees, the water, and the sky.
The velvet brown look of the hills dotted with dark green trees.
The small sound of running water as you ride alongside a mountain stream.
The rush of the wind and the beat of your heart as you race down a hill.
A perfect group of tall flowers standing proudly by the roadside.
The taste, smell and texture of the food you eat.
On a bike, you soak these things in. You fully experience them in a way that you never will when you are riding, insulated from the world, in a car.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Dating
Let's just say that dating (as in, the process of going out on a date to find someone interesting) sucks. Okay, if you go out with someone who IS actually interesting and fun to talk to, that is one thing. But all too often, you end up with someone who's along the lines of "If I have to talk to this guy for one more second, I'm going to shoot myself."
These are the guys who give dating a bad name. I'm sure there are some girls out there too, but I don't date them and I just hope I'm not ONE of them.
I've been out of the "single but looking" scene for quite some time. The problem with this is, it gets very comfortable there, but there is something missing, as in, an actual relationship with someone of the opposite sex. I had a long conversation with my friend J about this, and realized I need to get back out there and go through the pain of dating once again to find someone I want to spend some time with.
Types I hopefully won't meet up with again:
Hypochondriac Man - Yeah, tell me all about every single one of your health problems, in gruesome technicolor detail. I really want to know. Not.
Commitment Phobe Man - I really like you, but I don't know if I can commit to going out again next week. It's too soon. Umm... yeah, whatever dude.
Past Relationship Man - Waah, let me tell you all about how my last relationship scarred me for life. But, I still really miss her and want her back. Just Go Away. Far, Far Away.
Mr. I Think I'm Sexy Man - Apropos of nothing, start telling me about all of your physical attributes. "Nine inches of burning love." Uh... did I really hear you say that? NO! Don't repeat it, for heaven's sake.
Indecision Man - Me: So, what would you like to eat? Him: I don't know what do you want to eat? Me: (thinking, I asked first nitwit) - Anything but Indian is good for me. Him: Well, why don't you decide. Me: Ok, Italian. Him: I don't really feel like Italian. Me: AUUUGGHH!!! (Repeat ad naseum.)
Avoid all of the above like the plague.
These are the guys who give dating a bad name. I'm sure there are some girls out there too, but I don't date them and I just hope I'm not ONE of them.
I've been out of the "single but looking" scene for quite some time. The problem with this is, it gets very comfortable there, but there is something missing, as in, an actual relationship with someone of the opposite sex. I had a long conversation with my friend J about this, and realized I need to get back out there and go through the pain of dating once again to find someone I want to spend some time with.
Types I hopefully won't meet up with again:
Hypochondriac Man - Yeah, tell me all about every single one of your health problems, in gruesome technicolor detail. I really want to know. Not.
Commitment Phobe Man - I really like you, but I don't know if I can commit to going out again next week. It's too soon. Umm... yeah, whatever dude.
Past Relationship Man - Waah, let me tell you all about how my last relationship scarred me for life. But, I still really miss her and want her back. Just Go Away. Far, Far Away.
Mr. I Think I'm Sexy Man - Apropos of nothing, start telling me about all of your physical attributes. "Nine inches of burning love." Uh... did I really hear you say that? NO! Don't repeat it, for heaven's sake.
Indecision Man - Me: So, what would you like to eat? Him: I don't know what do you want to eat? Me: (thinking, I asked first nitwit) - Anything but Indian is good for me. Him: Well, why don't you decide. Me: Ok, Italian. Him: I don't really feel like Italian. Me: AUUUGGHH!!! (Repeat ad naseum.)
Avoid all of the above like the plague.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Dream Big
Author: Unknown
If there were ever a time to dare,
To make a difference
To embark on something worth doing
It is now.
Not for any grand cause, necessarily –
But for something that tugs at your heart
Something that is your aspiration
Something that is your dream.
You owe it to yourself
To make your days count.
Have fun. Dig deep. Stretch.
Dream big.
Know, though,
That things worth doing
Seldom come easy,
There will be times when you want to
Turn around
Pack it up and call it quits
Those times tell you
That you are pushing yourself
And that you are not afraid to learn by trying.
Persist.
Because with an idea,
Determination and the right tools,
You can do great things.
Let your instincts, your intellect
And let your heart guide you.
Trust.
Believe in the incredible power
Of the human mind
Of doing something that makes a difference
Of working hard
Of laughing and hoping
Of lasting friends
Of all the things that will cross your path
Next year
The start of something new
Brings the hope of something great.
Anything is possible.
There is only one you
And you will pass this way but once.
Do it right.
If there were ever a time to dare,
To make a difference
To embark on something worth doing
It is now.
Not for any grand cause, necessarily –
But for something that tugs at your heart
Something that is your aspiration
Something that is your dream.
You owe it to yourself
To make your days count.
Have fun. Dig deep. Stretch.
Dream big.
Know, though,
That things worth doing
Seldom come easy,
There will be times when you want to
Turn around
Pack it up and call it quits
Those times tell you
That you are pushing yourself
And that you are not afraid to learn by trying.
Persist.
Because with an idea,
Determination and the right tools,
You can do great things.
Let your instincts, your intellect
And let your heart guide you.
Trust.
Believe in the incredible power
Of the human mind
Of doing something that makes a difference
Of working hard
Of laughing and hoping
Of lasting friends
Of all the things that will cross your path
Next year
The start of something new
Brings the hope of something great.
Anything is possible.
There is only one you
And you will pass this way but once.
Do it right.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Grateful
Sometimes, we get so focused on what we don't have that we forget to be grateful for what we do have.
As a very large person, someone carrying over 100+ extra pounds around, I find myself always looking at people who seem to be thinner/fitter than I am, and I want to be there. I forget to feel happy with what I can do right now, and I only focus on what I can't do.
I went walking with my friend D last evening. She is shorter, thinner, and seems a lot more graceful than I am. Next to her I feel like a huge elephantine person. This is only what I'm seeing though. Her view was different.
She told me that she wished she was tall, like I am because sometimes, being short is not all that great.
She told me she can't swim.
She told me she can't run, because she has a bad back.
She told me she is pre-diabetic, so she really has to watch what she eats so that she doesn't fall over the edge. She has a family history of diabetes.
I realized something. Yeah, I'm overweight. Yeah, I need to lose weight.
But.
I'm healthy, I can do things she can't do, and I do really like being tall.
I think it's important to remember to be happy with who we are and what we can do right now. I think it's easy to lose sight of this in our constant rush to improve ourselves.
My body can pretty much do whatever I want it to, and that, in itself, is a gift. So many people can't.
As a very large person, someone carrying over 100+ extra pounds around, I find myself always looking at people who seem to be thinner/fitter than I am, and I want to be there. I forget to feel happy with what I can do right now, and I only focus on what I can't do.
I went walking with my friend D last evening. She is shorter, thinner, and seems a lot more graceful than I am. Next to her I feel like a huge elephantine person. This is only what I'm seeing though. Her view was different.
She told me that she wished she was tall, like I am because sometimes, being short is not all that great.
She told me she can't swim.
She told me she can't run, because she has a bad back.
She told me she is pre-diabetic, so she really has to watch what she eats so that she doesn't fall over the edge. She has a family history of diabetes.
I realized something. Yeah, I'm overweight. Yeah, I need to lose weight.
But.
I'm healthy, I can do things she can't do, and I do really like being tall.
I think it's important to remember to be happy with who we are and what we can do right now. I think it's easy to lose sight of this in our constant rush to improve ourselves.
My body can pretty much do whatever I want it to, and that, in itself, is a gift. So many people can't.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Weigh-In
I get on the scale and weigh myself once a week. Not once a day, which I used to do, and which is a recipe guaranteed to drive anyone crazy.
My mood for that day is determined by what the scale says. I know that this is wrong, but the mindset is still there. If the scale is down - I feel great, I feel like I've really accomplished something. If the scale doesn't move - I feel like I coulda, shoulda done better. If the scale goes up - I feel frustrated and like I have failed.
Why is this?
I rationally know that a number shown in a little box does not say whether or not I am a good person, whether or not I have eaten right that week, whether or not I have got my workouts in. And yet.
Every week - I feel as if I am held hostage to the number on the scale.
For the record - this week, the scale was down - and I feel great.
My mood for that day is determined by what the scale says. I know that this is wrong, but the mindset is still there. If the scale is down - I feel great, I feel like I've really accomplished something. If the scale doesn't move - I feel like I coulda, shoulda done better. If the scale goes up - I feel frustrated and like I have failed.
Why is this?
I rationally know that a number shown in a little box does not say whether or not I am a good person, whether or not I have eaten right that week, whether or not I have got my workouts in. And yet.
Every week - I feel as if I am held hostage to the number on the scale.
For the record - this week, the scale was down - and I feel great.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Long Ride
Today I did my longest ride of the year so far. 27.75 miles.
I'm here to say that the last 10 miles of this ride were not all that pleasant. Mostly because I was sick of sitting on the saddle, and my legs were definitely ready to call it a day.
However.
Although I still can't ride up hills that other people (read: thinner/fitter cyclists) can, I CAN ride up hills that when I started riding a few years back caused me to have to stop, pant and rest. Fitness is an interesting thing, and cycling fitness actually seems to have some hold over from year to year. What is really interesting is that hills/rides that took me a LONG time to build up to when I started are just not that big of a deal now. OK, they are hard, because my cycling fitness is not where it used to be, but they aren't "Please, let me die now" kind of events. A ride I approached with trepidation, feeling unprepared for it, actually turned out to be doable. Not easy, but not a killer either.
What do I remember from today?
Really wanting to get off my bike at mile 18, and being SO grateful there was a bench there so I could sit down and rest.
Riding up a hill and thinking "Hey, this isn't so bad!"
The wind in my face.
Enjoying the sight of three or four horses, minding their own business.
Watching the guys at the skate park a little too intently, and riding off the trail, but keeping my head and getting back on track with no harm done.
Drinking in the sight of the hills basking in the late afternoon light.
The sunlight and shadow playing on the fields of grass.
This is why I ride.
I'm here to say that the last 10 miles of this ride were not all that pleasant. Mostly because I was sick of sitting on the saddle, and my legs were definitely ready to call it a day.
However.
Although I still can't ride up hills that other people (read: thinner/fitter cyclists) can, I CAN ride up hills that when I started riding a few years back caused me to have to stop, pant and rest. Fitness is an interesting thing, and cycling fitness actually seems to have some hold over from year to year. What is really interesting is that hills/rides that took me a LONG time to build up to when I started are just not that big of a deal now. OK, they are hard, because my cycling fitness is not where it used to be, but they aren't "Please, let me die now" kind of events. A ride I approached with trepidation, feeling unprepared for it, actually turned out to be doable. Not easy, but not a killer either.
What do I remember from today?
Really wanting to get off my bike at mile 18, and being SO grateful there was a bench there so I could sit down and rest.
Riding up a hill and thinking "Hey, this isn't so bad!"
The wind in my face.
Enjoying the sight of three or four horses, minding their own business.
Watching the guys at the skate park a little too intently, and riding off the trail, but keeping my head and getting back on track with no harm done.
Drinking in the sight of the hills basking in the late afternoon light.
The sunlight and shadow playing on the fields of grass.
This is why I ride.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Some Days...
Some days suck eggs.
Some days rock.
Today sucked eggs.
Some days - you want to pull up the covers and never come out.
Some days - there just isn't one positive bone in your whole body.
Some days - are days when you feel fat. Really fat. And, it's cause you are.
Those days suck.
I'm back in the workout/training/eating right mode and feeling good about myself. The problem comes when my self-image as a buff, in shape, bad ass athlete comes into collision with my actual self - a very overweight person who still huffs and puffs at the top of a flight of stairs.
Am I in a lot better shape than I was in May? Sure. Do I feel really good about that? Oh, yeah.
I just want progress towards my "ideal" physical self to be faster than it is, and today my bad ass athlete persona had a fight with my fat self, and unfortunately, the fat, bad attitude side of me won.
So, I had a pity party. So sue me.
Some days rock.
Today sucked eggs.
Some days - you want to pull up the covers and never come out.
Some days - there just isn't one positive bone in your whole body.
Some days - are days when you feel fat. Really fat. And, it's cause you are.
Those days suck.
I'm back in the workout/training/eating right mode and feeling good about myself. The problem comes when my self-image as a buff, in shape, bad ass athlete comes into collision with my actual self - a very overweight person who still huffs and puffs at the top of a flight of stairs.
Am I in a lot better shape than I was in May? Sure. Do I feel really good about that? Oh, yeah.
I just want progress towards my "ideal" physical self to be faster than it is, and today my bad ass athlete persona had a fight with my fat self, and unfortunately, the fat, bad attitude side of me won.
So, I had a pity party. So sue me.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Running in the dark
Some days suck eggs.
Some days rock.
This was a rocking day. It didn't really start out that way as I was busy procrastinating most of the day, but I finally did pull myself together and go workout.
I don't know what happened, maybe it was something about running in the dark.
Running in the dark is different from running in the daylight. No-one else is out there. You can't really see where you're going. (Note: Don't run in the dark unless you're running somewhere you've run many, many times before.) You can't see your feet. You can't see your watch. You can't see the normal landmarks that you use to judge your workout or that you use to say to yourself "I'll just make it to that tree/bush/pole and then walk."
None of that exists. Just you and the movement of running and your trust that this path that you've travelled so many times will still be acting like it always does and you will be able to meet it right with your feet.
So. I started running. And I kept running. And I didn't stop, and I found a pace that I was comfortable with and a zone that I could move through without too much effort. And I kept going. I knew where the ups and downs of the path were, but for some reason, they did not seem as large as they always are when it's daylight. I went by how my body felt, and I just ran.
I ran the whole way. The first time in, maybe, forever, I ran. Without walking and without, for the moment, wishing I was faster, or better, or more in shape. I just ran.
Maybe it was just a dream. Running in the dark.
Some days rock.
This was a rocking day. It didn't really start out that way as I was busy procrastinating most of the day, but I finally did pull myself together and go workout.
I don't know what happened, maybe it was something about running in the dark.
Running in the dark is different from running in the daylight. No-one else is out there. You can't really see where you're going. (Note: Don't run in the dark unless you're running somewhere you've run many, many times before.) You can't see your feet. You can't see your watch. You can't see the normal landmarks that you use to judge your workout or that you use to say to yourself "I'll just make it to that tree/bush/pole and then walk."
None of that exists. Just you and the movement of running and your trust that this path that you've travelled so many times will still be acting like it always does and you will be able to meet it right with your feet.
So. I started running. And I kept running. And I didn't stop, and I found a pace that I was comfortable with and a zone that I could move through without too much effort. And I kept going. I knew where the ups and downs of the path were, but for some reason, they did not seem as large as they always are when it's daylight. I went by how my body felt, and I just ran.
I ran the whole way. The first time in, maybe, forever, I ran. Without walking and without, for the moment, wishing I was faster, or better, or more in shape. I just ran.
Maybe it was just a dream. Running in the dark.
Tuesday, August 9, 2005
Procrastination
I am the world champion of procrastination.
I swear, I need a to-do list every day so I can get stuff done that I want to get done. I can, quite literally, mess around all day, with an end result that nothing has been accomplished for the whole, entire, day, or week, or month.
Some of it is pure laziness.
Some if it is avoidance. Yeah, there's stuff I need to do, that I don't want to do - so I mess around, until it's too late to do it. Every day.
Case in point?
Doctor's Appointment.
With the fact that I now have a full-time, paying job with actual medical benefits comes the fact that I really should get myself a doctor's appointment and get a physical. I haven't had one in at least 5 years. I've been procrastinating this since September 2004, which was when I actually got the job, that gave me the benefits, etc.
Why don't I want to do this? Cause I don't want to hear what they'll say, although, realistically, I already know.
What'll the doctor say?
"You need to lose weight, you're in the dangerously overweight area." - Like this is a big newsflash.
"Your cholesterol is high." - Ditto the above.
So, the question becomes, WHY am I avoiding this?? It's not like I don't already know these things, or that I'm fooling everyone into thinking I'm really skinny when I'm not.
Sometimes, I really feel frustrated with myself.
I swear, I need a to-do list every day so I can get stuff done that I want to get done. I can, quite literally, mess around all day, with an end result that nothing has been accomplished for the whole, entire, day, or week, or month.
Some of it is pure laziness.
Some if it is avoidance. Yeah, there's stuff I need to do, that I don't want to do - so I mess around, until it's too late to do it. Every day.
Case in point?
Doctor's Appointment.
With the fact that I now have a full-time, paying job with actual medical benefits comes the fact that I really should get myself a doctor's appointment and get a physical. I haven't had one in at least 5 years. I've been procrastinating this since September 2004, which was when I actually got the job, that gave me the benefits, etc.
Why don't I want to do this? Cause I don't want to hear what they'll say, although, realistically, I already know.
What'll the doctor say?
"You need to lose weight, you're in the dangerously overweight area." - Like this is a big newsflash.
"Your cholesterol is high." - Ditto the above.
So, the question becomes, WHY am I avoiding this?? It's not like I don't already know these things, or that I'm fooling everyone into thinking I'm really skinny when I'm not.
Sometimes, I really feel frustrated with myself.
Sunday, August 7, 2005
Fred
There's a guy who shows up to every single one of the open water swims that I've done through Pacific Masters. I mean, every one. His name is Fred. Now, I don't know Fred personally, but I know who he is. I think anyone who's done a couple of open water swims through Pacific Masters knows who Fred is.
He's the guy who comes in last. Every time.
He's been there at Lake Berryessa, every year I've done that swim. He's there at Lake Del Valle. This weekend, he was there at Lake Donner. If he wasn't there something would be missing. And his name would be Fred. When I saw Fred there, I knew I could do the swim. Why? Cause if Fred was doing it, then I could do it.
Mostly everyone will be standing around finished with the swim, and we'll be waiting for the last few swimmers to make it into the shore. You check on the last kayacker (who is bringing up the rear) and you know that person will be escorting Fred. He's got a distinctive stroke, and everyone will say, oh, here comes Fred. When Fred comes out of the water - he gets the most applause of all and people will rush to help him, if he looks like he needs it.
Fred is shaky on his pins - and usually someone will offer to carry his stuff for him. Fred is brown as a berry, with sticky out ears, and a nice face. Fred wraps his feet in duct tape for swimming, I don't know why. It's quite obvious that Fred loves open water swimming, just for the sake of swimming, cause Fred is not out there breaking any speed records.
Fred looks like he's in his late 50's or 60's, but in reality Fred is 80+ years old. Fred is totally cool.
Maybe one day, I can help him with his stuff.
He's the guy who comes in last. Every time.
He's been there at Lake Berryessa, every year I've done that swim. He's there at Lake Del Valle. This weekend, he was there at Lake Donner. If he wasn't there something would be missing. And his name would be Fred. When I saw Fred there, I knew I could do the swim. Why? Cause if Fred was doing it, then I could do it.
Mostly everyone will be standing around finished with the swim, and we'll be waiting for the last few swimmers to make it into the shore. You check on the last kayacker (who is bringing up the rear) and you know that person will be escorting Fred. He's got a distinctive stroke, and everyone will say, oh, here comes Fred. When Fred comes out of the water - he gets the most applause of all and people will rush to help him, if he looks like he needs it.
Fred is shaky on his pins - and usually someone will offer to carry his stuff for him. Fred is brown as a berry, with sticky out ears, and a nice face. Fred wraps his feet in duct tape for swimming, I don't know why. It's quite obvious that Fred loves open water swimming, just for the sake of swimming, cause Fred is not out there breaking any speed records.
Fred looks like he's in his late 50's or 60's, but in reality Fred is 80+ years old. Fred is totally cool.
Maybe one day, I can help him with his stuff.
Saturday, August 6, 2005
Donner Open Water Swim
Today I swam Donner Lake. Not just across the lake. Oh no. Down the longest part of the lake. I swam it end to end. 2.7 miles worth of swimming. I still cannot quite believe that I did it.
This was an organized swim put on by the Sierra Nevada Masters and it was cool. How many times in your life do you get to jump into a body of water, disregard the boats and just swim? How many people can say they've done something like that?
The last part of this swim was difficult for me, as my arms were so tired that freestyle was a real challenge. I reverted to breaststroke a lot. I admit to thoughts of quitting during the swim - but mostly it was a meditative experience. Me, the water, the sun, the shore. Swimming at it's best.
This was an organized swim put on by the Sierra Nevada Masters and it was cool. How many times in your life do you get to jump into a body of water, disregard the boats and just swim? How many people can say they've done something like that?
The last part of this swim was difficult for me, as my arms were so tired that freestyle was a real challenge. I reverted to breaststroke a lot. I admit to thoughts of quitting during the swim - but mostly it was a meditative experience. Me, the water, the sun, the shore. Swimming at it's best.
Friday, August 5, 2005
Officially Complete
Today I went over to Cal State and handed in the rest of the paperwork and forms so that the State of California will recognize me as an official teacher.
I taught last year, but on an "emergency credential" (i.e. I had to take some coursework to prove that I can actually teach) and now, once the Credentialing Agency sends me the certificate, I'll be an official holder of a Preliminary Credential. That will probably be in six months, based on their speedy turn around time for my prior credentials.
And, yeah, you read that right. I'm still not fully certified, I'm only Preliminary. I still need to take 5 more classes, plus go through the You-Are-A-New-Teacher-So-We-Are-Going-To-Support-You-Whether-You-Like-It-Or-Not-Program. This whole process will take another two years.
Teaching is the only profession that I know of that is so low paid while at the same time requiring so much certification. Based on what I made before this (Project Management at a software firm) and the amount of work I did - I should be making at least double what I make as a teacher. Plus all of these added required classes are not paid for by the district or the state. Oh no. That all comes out of your pocket, and it does add up to quite a bit, especially when you compare it to the amount you make as a full-time teacher.
I am looking for another job, and this is one of the reasons. After only one year, I'm sick of working so hard, for such a pittance of a salary.
I taught last year, but on an "emergency credential" (i.e. I had to take some coursework to prove that I can actually teach) and now, once the Credentialing Agency sends me the certificate, I'll be an official holder of a Preliminary Credential. That will probably be in six months, based on their speedy turn around time for my prior credentials.
And, yeah, you read that right. I'm still not fully certified, I'm only Preliminary. I still need to take 5 more classes, plus go through the You-Are-A-New-Teacher-So-We-Are-Going-To-Support-You-Whether-You-Like-It-Or-Not-Program. This whole process will take another two years.
Teaching is the only profession that I know of that is so low paid while at the same time requiring so much certification. Based on what I made before this (Project Management at a software firm) and the amount of work I did - I should be making at least double what I make as a teacher. Plus all of these added required classes are not paid for by the district or the state. Oh no. That all comes out of your pocket, and it does add up to quite a bit, especially when you compare it to the amount you make as a full-time teacher.
I am looking for another job, and this is one of the reasons. After only one year, I'm sick of working so hard, for such a pittance of a salary.
Thursday, August 4, 2005
Things that are Impossible to Open
Today I needed to open a bottle of weed killer. You might not think that this is such a big deal, but you would be wrong.
Why is it that products are coming more and more with impossible to open sealed caps?
I take the lid off the bottle. Underneath the lid is one of those sealed paper things that are ostensibly supposed to make sure that you know your product has not been tampered with. It's easy to tell, because NO ONE could tamper with it as the da** things are impossible to remove. There is nowhere to get a grip on them, and they appear to be integrated to the top of the bottle. After spending some time trying to pry it open with my fingernails (this did not work, btw) I then decided to punch a hole in it with a screwdriver. Why a screwdriver? Cause it's Weedkiller - and I'm not going to use a knife - I might then use the knife to eat with and poison myself. So. After punching a hole in the top with the screwdriver, I now have a paper capped bottle with a screw-driver shaped hole in the top.
I could now use my fingers to remove the rest of the cap. Which I did. Unfortunately, during this process I did get some amount of weedkiller on my hands, as it was impossible to remove the cap otherwise.
After this whole, extremely frustrating, experience, I then assuaged my feelings by going out and spraying the stuff on some poor unsuspecting plants, whose only crime was to be growing where I didn't want them to grow.
I've washed my hands really well of course, but I have to wonder if this is some deep laid plot on the part of the companies to cause maximum irritation in their customers.
... In the boardroom ...
"Heh, heh - hey, I know, let's start putting on caps that are impossible to remove! We'll call it a security measure!"
Everyone sitting around the table laughs insanely and passes the motion.
This is the real reason we have these things plastered onto otherwise innocently usable products.
Why is it that products are coming more and more with impossible to open sealed caps?
I take the lid off the bottle. Underneath the lid is one of those sealed paper things that are ostensibly supposed to make sure that you know your product has not been tampered with. It's easy to tell, because NO ONE could tamper with it as the da** things are impossible to remove. There is nowhere to get a grip on them, and they appear to be integrated to the top of the bottle. After spending some time trying to pry it open with my fingernails (this did not work, btw) I then decided to punch a hole in it with a screwdriver. Why a screwdriver? Cause it's Weedkiller - and I'm not going to use a knife - I might then use the knife to eat with and poison myself. So. After punching a hole in the top with the screwdriver, I now have a paper capped bottle with a screw-driver shaped hole in the top.
I could now use my fingers to remove the rest of the cap. Which I did. Unfortunately, during this process I did get some amount of weedkiller on my hands, as it was impossible to remove the cap otherwise.
After this whole, extremely frustrating, experience, I then assuaged my feelings by going out and spraying the stuff on some poor unsuspecting plants, whose only crime was to be growing where I didn't want them to grow.
I've washed my hands really well of course, but I have to wonder if this is some deep laid plot on the part of the companies to cause maximum irritation in their customers.
... In the boardroom ...
"Heh, heh - hey, I know, let's start putting on caps that are impossible to remove! We'll call it a security measure!"
Everyone sitting around the table laughs insanely and passes the motion.
This is the real reason we have these things plastered onto otherwise innocently usable products.
Wednesday, August 3, 2005
Missing my kids
Last year, July 1, is when custody officially changed over to my ex-husband, so that he is now the primary custodial parent. He has the kids 75% of the time and I have them 25%. It's been a year, and it's still hard. It was so not my choice, it was their choice.
This year, I had the kids for the month of July. It was great. We were all together for a week, then my son went to scout camp for a week, which let me hang out with my daughter, then my daughter left for girls' camp while my son returned from scout camp, which let me hang out with him for a week. I really enjoyed those two weeks where I got to just spend time with each of them separately. I felt like I was really building my relationship with the kids.
Then we went to Utah to visit the rest of the family for a week. It was a crazy week, but it was also a lot of fun. The big thing we did (I and the kids) was to read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in the space of that one week. I started reading the books to them with the first one, and that was the big thing that they wanted me to do with them this summer before they went back to their Dad's house.
They left yesterday. I won't see them for a month.
I miss them.
This year, I had the kids for the month of July. It was great. We were all together for a week, then my son went to scout camp for a week, which let me hang out with my daughter, then my daughter left for girls' camp while my son returned from scout camp, which let me hang out with him for a week. I really enjoyed those two weeks where I got to just spend time with each of them separately. I felt like I was really building my relationship with the kids.
Then we went to Utah to visit the rest of the family for a week. It was a crazy week, but it was also a lot of fun. The big thing we did (I and the kids) was to read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in the space of that one week. I started reading the books to them with the first one, and that was the big thing that they wanted me to do with them this summer before they went back to their Dad's house.
They left yesterday. I won't see them for a month.
I miss them.
Monday, August 1, 2005
Back from Vacation
I just got back from a week of vacation.
It was great, but now I feel like I need some recovery from the vacation! We (I and the kids) went to Utah for our annual summer family visit. It was so much fun. Well, we didn't do anything really spectacular, just caught up with each other, did some activities and so on.
My parents' house was packed with 14 grandkids, 5 kids + various spouses at certain points in time. It's a good thing they have a big house. We had a tent trailer set up outside so some of the older kids slept out there on a rotating basis (girls night then boys night.) My kids are old enough (13 and 15) that I don't really worry about what they are doing, i.e. no disciplinary moments for me. I didn't go to bed before midnight on any night, so I'm definitely short on sleep, but it was more than worth it.
We played games - sometimes until 4:30 am, the kids got together and played games almost every day, my son was in his element, he loves to play games with other people. He plays online games a lot but there is something very satisfying about the interaction between a board game (if it's a good one) and the people playing the game.
We spent a lot of time talking and joking around with each other. It was great to have everyone together that hasn't actually happened for a while, due to other commitments.
There was lots of really fattening stuff to eat, cookies, brownies, a 5 lb box of chocolates, and since my sister is addicted to these chocolate donuts that you can only buy in Utah, we had a lot of those too.
We also spent a lot of time working on the Craft of the Year, which this year happened to be tie-dye. So, a lot of time was spent, tying, dying, and checking out the tie-dyed items once they were finished. It's a lot of work which is why we don't do it every year, but it was a lot of fun, and everything turned out cool, even if not exactly as expected.
It was great, but now I feel like I need some recovery from the vacation! We (I and the kids) went to Utah for our annual summer family visit. It was so much fun. Well, we didn't do anything really spectacular, just caught up with each other, did some activities and so on.
My parents' house was packed with 14 grandkids, 5 kids + various spouses at certain points in time. It's a good thing they have a big house. We had a tent trailer set up outside so some of the older kids slept out there on a rotating basis (girls night then boys night.) My kids are old enough (13 and 15) that I don't really worry about what they are doing, i.e. no disciplinary moments for me. I didn't go to bed before midnight on any night, so I'm definitely short on sleep, but it was more than worth it.
We played games - sometimes until 4:30 am, the kids got together and played games almost every day, my son was in his element, he loves to play games with other people. He plays online games a lot but there is something very satisfying about the interaction between a board game (if it's a good one) and the people playing the game.
We spent a lot of time talking and joking around with each other. It was great to have everyone together that hasn't actually happened for a while, due to other commitments.
There was lots of really fattening stuff to eat, cookies, brownies, a 5 lb box of chocolates, and since my sister is addicted to these chocolate donuts that you can only buy in Utah, we had a lot of those too.
We also spent a lot of time working on the Craft of the Year, which this year happened to be tie-dye. So, a lot of time was spent, tying, dying, and checking out the tie-dyed items once they were finished. It's a lot of work which is why we don't do it every year, but it was a lot of fun, and everything turned out cool, even if not exactly as expected.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Mr. Control Freak
My kids live with their father, my ex-husband, which is a long and painful story. They moved in with him last July. (This is just background - not rehash, I swear.)
Last week, my son was at Scout Camp. As sometimes happens when you combine boys, outdoors and nighttime, he got hurt. He fell while playing some game in the dark (details are very sketchy here, I can't get a straight story out of him) and cut open his knee. He was taken to the Emergency Room and got 5 stitches. This is not the problem.
He needed to leave the stitches in for a week and a half before having them removed. This is also not the problem.
I picked up my son a week ago on Saturday. So, he is with me this week, the week that he needs to get the stitches out. This is the problem, because it gave Mr. Control Freak ex an excuse to be his control freaky self all over me. Now the kids live with him, he is so "concerned" all the time about what is going on when they are with me. As should be obvious, stitches provide an excellent reason to be "concerned."
First of all, the ex says that "he has a call into the doctor's office to get an appointment for the stitches," and "am I going to take care of this." Now, of course, the ex is not volunteering to provide transportation, which is not trivial since I live 45 minutes to an hour away, depending on traffic. No, the ex is just going to get the appointment, and then it will be up to me to do two hours of driving for what will be a 5 minute procedure. Tops. Since the kids have Kaiser, my son does not have to go to the office near where my ex lives. No, he could go to the office near where I live. The ex, being the kind and considerate soul that he is, has not called the office that is conveniently close to me. No. But he is "concerned."
Not wanting to get somehow maneuvered into the above ridiculous amount of driving, I tell the ex that if he wants to take care of it he can, but he must provide the transportation. Otherwise, I will call, make the appointment, and get the stitches taken out.
This is apparently not good enough. So, I repeat the above statement that he can take care of it if he wants to, 3 or 4 (or maybe 10) times, with the end result that I am the one who will take care of it. I knew that this is what would happen, as the ex won't put himself out more than he must. However, it's ok to make some arrangement that entails me driving for 2 hours. That is not a problem.
Now, this whole week, the ex is calling every day to find out what's going on. After all, he is "concerned." And, we must go through the whole stupid dance about who is going to take care of it. The ex doesn't want to do it, he just wants me to do it "his" way.
Thankfully, this saga is coming to an end, as I took my son to the clinic this morning and had the stitches removed. My son is fine, the wound healed nicely. The only one who might not be fine is the ex.
Last week, my son was at Scout Camp. As sometimes happens when you combine boys, outdoors and nighttime, he got hurt. He fell while playing some game in the dark (details are very sketchy here, I can't get a straight story out of him) and cut open his knee. He was taken to the Emergency Room and got 5 stitches. This is not the problem.
He needed to leave the stitches in for a week and a half before having them removed. This is also not the problem.
I picked up my son a week ago on Saturday. So, he is with me this week, the week that he needs to get the stitches out. This is the problem, because it gave Mr. Control Freak ex an excuse to be his control freaky self all over me. Now the kids live with him, he is so "concerned" all the time about what is going on when they are with me. As should be obvious, stitches provide an excellent reason to be "concerned."
First of all, the ex says that "he has a call into the doctor's office to get an appointment for the stitches," and "am I going to take care of this." Now, of course, the ex is not volunteering to provide transportation, which is not trivial since I live 45 minutes to an hour away, depending on traffic. No, the ex is just going to get the appointment, and then it will be up to me to do two hours of driving for what will be a 5 minute procedure. Tops. Since the kids have Kaiser, my son does not have to go to the office near where my ex lives. No, he could go to the office near where I live. The ex, being the kind and considerate soul that he is, has not called the office that is conveniently close to me. No. But he is "concerned."
Not wanting to get somehow maneuvered into the above ridiculous amount of driving, I tell the ex that if he wants to take care of it he can, but he must provide the transportation. Otherwise, I will call, make the appointment, and get the stitches taken out.
This is apparently not good enough. So, I repeat the above statement that he can take care of it if he wants to, 3 or 4 (or maybe 10) times, with the end result that I am the one who will take care of it. I knew that this is what would happen, as the ex won't put himself out more than he must. However, it's ok to make some arrangement that entails me driving for 2 hours. That is not a problem.
Now, this whole week, the ex is calling every day to find out what's going on. After all, he is "concerned." And, we must go through the whole stupid dance about who is going to take care of it. The ex doesn't want to do it, he just wants me to do it "his" way.
Thankfully, this saga is coming to an end, as I took my son to the clinic this morning and had the stitches removed. My son is fine, the wound healed nicely. The only one who might not be fine is the ex.
Friday, July 22, 2005
My first group ride
Now, this was a while ago (in 2001) but I think this is worth re-living. Mostly for the point that I have come a long way - and also, because in retrospect it makes a funny story.
Otherwise known as: I-am-on-a-group-ride-and-I-don't-belong-here.
My first group ride. Billed as an "easy" ride, we go slow on this ride, they said. Pretty easy rollers they said.
They lied through their teeth.
I show up. I am a newbie bike rider, and it's cold so I am wearing a fleece. I get a question if I don't have a more moisture resistant jacket. No, I say. I can TELL that my attire is not correct, but it is all I own at this point, so it will have to do.
Starting off, and already I'm panting and huffing. We are riding much faster than I am used to. This is within the 1st half mile. Before we hit the first hill.
It was a HILL da** it! Not an "easy roller!" A BIG HONKIN' HILL!!!
I stick with the group for one... second when we turn the corner and start up the hill, then they ride away from me like I'm standing still. Actually, I am standing still, cause I can't ride up this stupid flamin' "roller."
Time passes. I am seriously suffering here, but I refuse to get off and walk my bike. I think I could have a heart attack right here and die.
Someone comes back to check on me (to make sure that I have not died, I guess.) Finally, hit a downhill and rejoin the group. They pack up the picnic that they enjoyed while they were waiting for me, and we continue.
It is now slightly downhill, so although I am still working like a DOG I am at least staying with the group. Let's not discuss the fact that they are all holding a conversation as though they are at a tea party. I am the only one in pain here.
I get a flat. No, I don't know how to change a flat. No, I didn't know I had tubulars. (I'd had my bike for all of 2 weeks at this point.) There were multiple bike dudes just screamingly ready to change this sucker for me, but they couldn't cause I didn't have any gear, and they all had clinchers. I felt like the biggest bike dork on the face of the planet.
Discussion ensues. (a) we are about 5-10 miles from the cars (b) I have a flat (c) The plan was to continue on and do a longer route. Although I did have a couple of the guys offer to accompany me back to my car (I found out on this day that while you can't ride on a flat clincher you CAN on a flat tubular w/out damaging the rims) - I refused. I already felt like I'd held them up enough and I was so TIRED at this point I could have laid down at the side of the road and taken a nap.
I start heading back to my car. (By an alternate FLAT way, not the "rollers" version.) *THUMP*THUMP*THUMP* It starts raining. Of course, my fleece not being quick drying/wicking/yada yada now weighs approximately 20 lbs. *THUMP*THUMP*THUMP* Because of the flat tire I can only ride like 5 mph, and that is pushing it. *THUMP*THUMP*THUMP* I finally get to the multi-use trail that will go right by my car. It is as flat as a pancake, thank goodness. As I *THUMP*THUMP*THUMP* along, some jogger passes me. I've bonked by this point, working too hard, no fuel, etc. etc. I am so cold I am shivering. The fleece should keep me warm, even though it's wet, but I've used up so much energy that I have no reserves. I'm blinking back tears because I feel so completely out of shape and pathetic.
This was a death ride. This was the toughest ride I've EVER done in my entire life. I would have gotten off the bike and walked, but it would have taken longer and all I wanted was to see my car as fast as possible.
Finally, after years and years, I made it back to my car, drove home, took a hot shower and slept for the rest of the day.
I did this same ride in the spring of 2002. The whole thing. Birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and although I still got dropped a bit on the hills, I too had times where I could have a conversation. I'm not going to say it has been my biggest achievement, but I cannot even tell you how good I felt about conquering this ride that had brought me so low the year before.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
First Post
I've blogged before, but found that I was making it too specific (a craft blog, a workout blog, etc.) I tried multiple blogs, but that didn't seem to be the right answer either. The blog server I used before, also had pop-ups which really irritate me on someone else's blog, ergo, irritate me on my own blog as well.
I like keeping a record of what I've been doing - and this is a good way to do it. I may write about anything and everything, whatever happens to hold my interest...
So, I guess this is the formal first post to this blog!
I will probably be adding in some older entries, just to catch up - but this is the official one.
I like keeping a record of what I've been doing - and this is a good way to do it. I may write about anything and everything, whatever happens to hold my interest...
So, I guess this is the formal first post to this blog!
I will probably be adding in some older entries, just to catch up - but this is the official one.
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