Relationships

I've had a few of these. Some good, some not so good. I try to look at all of them as learning experiences. What would I do again? What would I avoid like the plague?

I guess I'm thinking about this right now, because I finally feel ready to jump back into the sea of "single and looking."

I really haven't dated at all for over a year. Some of that was very bad personal stuff going on that threw me for a loop. The rest was the fact that a relationship, which meant a lot to me, ended. Or, I accepted that it was over.

The problem was that this guy was, I thought, The Guy. You know. The One. The Only One. In some ways, I felt like he was a reward for all of the weird crap that I'd gone through while dating. Finally, I'd found someone that was not only normal but who I could actually see being in my life for the very long term. Someone who I would actually share closet space with. Someone who would listen to me if I needed to talk. Someone who I could see growing old with, and telling stories about "Do you remember when..."

Have you ever been with someone who you can say anything at all to, and they will never say, "What do you mean?" The thing is, I could say the most elliptical statement and he would pick up on it. And I could do the same for him. This was not just a one-sided affair.

I totally fell for him. Head over heels into love. Not "If I'm not with you I'll die" obsessiveness, but "Wow, you're great and I'd really like to spend the rest of my life with you." The more time I spent with him, the more time I wanted to spend with him. Something as simple as going to the grocery store became a better experience because he was with me.

Then it ended.

The problem was that these feelings I had for him, did not just disappear. They were still there and as strong as ever. The problem was that the dates I tried to go on, I would compare the date guy to my old flame guy and date guy just couldn't cut it. Not because date guy was so bad, but for the reason that he wasn't my old flame.

I talked to my old flame the other day and I realized, with something close to relief, that while I will always care for him and wish him well, I am no longer "in love." I have some distance. Finally.

He sure was a great guy though. My hope is that if I could find him, that there's got to be someone else out there. Someone else who could be The One for me, and I can be The One for him.