Bike Commuting - Part Deux

Pierce: (1) To cut or pass through with or as if with a sharp instrument; stab or penetrate. (2) To make a hole or opening in; perforate.

Do you ever feel like the universe is laughing up it's sleeve at you?

I was ready to bike commute today. Bike, Check. Stuff for Work, Check. Lunch, Check. I got everything put together including mega amounts of food. (Cause if you're a teacher, working on site before the students return, they don't feed you.) I drove to the park and ride lot. So far, everything is peachy keen.

Got the bike out, pumped up the tires, got the backpack I'm ready to go.

About a mile into the ride the back tire goes flat. (Note: Why is it always the back tire that goes flat when you are in a hurry?) Uh oh. Didn't give myself enough time for a flat on the way there. Ok. I will fix it and just ride back to the park and ride lot and then drive the rest of the way. Otherwise, I'll be late, which would be Very Very Bad.

I get the tire off, and there is a huge stick stuck through the tire. (Note: It wasn't THAT big, but man, when it's stuck through your tire and you cannot, damn it, get it OUT! it starts to assume the proportions of a small tree.) Took me forever to remove the stick from the tire. A few bike people happen by and ask if I need help, but no, I have everything I need, I just need a pair of industrial pliers to get this stupid piece of wood OUT of my tire.

In the meantime an Ancient Chinese Guru comes by and hangs around for a while just to offer "helpful" comments.

Ancient Chinese Guru: Confucius say - Skinny tires - bad, not sturdy! (Thumps gently on my front tire, which is just FINE thank you.)

Me: Look at him, and go back to absorbing task of removing stick from rear tire.

Ancient Chinese Guru: Confucius say - Get a fat tire bike. Strong, like ox.

Me: Nod while thinking - Would you kindly just go back to your fortune cookie, or wherever you came from, and leave me alone?

Ancient Chinese Guru: I have fat tire bike, never a problem!

Me: Oh.

Ancient Chinese Guru: Gives up on me and walks down the path.

Finally, finally, I have the tube on, the tire on, and the CO2 and I am ready to pump up the tire. Pump it up, get on, pedal twice, and the tire goes flat AGAIN! Why me? That's ALL I want to know. I'm ready to get off and walk back to my car, really fast, as I don't want to damage my rim, but coming back towards me, who do I see? That's right. Very Helpful Chinese Guru Guy. So. I pedal by him, as if I don't have a care in the world. As soon as I get around the corner, I get off and start hoofing it back to the car.

As I'm walking, Helpful Bike Guy comes along. Asks me if I need a tube, I say No, cause I'm almost there. Then in a display of brilliant obviousness tells me that my tire isn't on the rim. Duh. I know my tire is half off, that is because my tire is Flatter Than a Pancake. All right? Just go away.

Make it back to my car, after about a million years, put my bike in the car, put myself in the drivers seat, and stress out all the rest of the way to work about being late.

I arrive at 7:56 am, race to my room, change my clothes at the speed of light and arrive at the meeting at 7:59 am.

Bike Commuting

Fiasco: A complete failure.

I WAS going to bike-commute today. I swear I was. First of all to save on gas, which is becoming a major expense. Pretty soon now they are going to start asking for blood along with the money. "That'll be an ounce of blood per gallon please." Besides the fact that I am a cheapskate and do not feel like supporting the oil refineries, the second and more noble motive is to keep me in shape.

The universe conspired against me today though.

I got all my stuff ready last night and set the alarm, which faithfully went off at oh-dark-30. After I remembered, that yes, I HAD done that on purpose, I got up, got into my Cool Bike Clothing (T-shirt and shorts) and prepared to take off.

Then, I got out the information sheet just to make sure that everything was as it should be. As I started reading, it looked like Greek. Oh, that's because it's upside down. Ok, ummm.... it still looks like Greek.

Should start at 8:30 - why does this say 7:30?

Should be at Very Convenient to Bike Path Location - why does this say it's Not There, You Fool. It's Way to Hell and Gone Out There.

Read it again just to make sure, and again. What happened here? My theory is someone came in and switched it on me, out of pure maliciousness. Things like this happen to me all the time.

Luckily, I had arisen Very Early. So, I did the Superman clothing trick, where you walk into a phone booth and walk out 10 seconds later as a completely different person. In my case, I transformed from Bike Goddess to Serious Educator, and then walked out the door. Only an hour in my car later, I arrived, 5 minutes early, at 7:25.

I was really thinking that I could bike-commute tomorrow, but no, because we have to appear at Ridiculous Location for the morning, and then at lunch (i.e. commute while eating) we have to go to our school site for the afternoon session.

However, I WILL Bike Commute sometime this week. No Matter What.

Skinny Feet

Lean: Not fleshy or fat; thin.

I have skinny feet again. Like the first sign of spring, my ankles and feet are the first part of me that are showing signs of athleticism.

I remember last year, at this same time, I felt like my feet had betrayed me. They were fat, and they were old. You know what I mean. Those feet and ankles that have to be squished into shoes and that you look at and hope, really hope, that your feet never end up looking that way.

Well, mine did look that way. But, I've come to realize that my feet did not betray me, rather, I betrayed them. I did not eat right, I did not exercise, I did not drink enough water. How could I expect my feet to stay skinny?

Well, now that I've been doing all that stuff, my feet are back with the program. They love me, and I love them. No more puffy ankles. No more lines from my shoes.

So, I must keep working out, if only to keep my skinny feet.

Swimming

I love swimming. I love the feeling of weightlessness that the water brings me. I don't feel fat, or heavy, or anything else. Swimming doesn't have weight limitations like other sports do.

Try running. If you're overweight, it's going to slow you down dramatically. Same with biking. Downhills are nice, but those uphills, those are killer if you're dragging extra poundage around with you.

But swimming doesn't feel that way - it's just me and the water, and I can forget about the fact that I'm fat for a while. Until I get out. Then I have to return to earth and reassume my heavy form, and feel gravity dragging me down.

___________________

Today, we did a fast set. Swimming fast is so much different than gliding through the water. The water becomes your enemy, something to be tamed.

5 100's. 50 kick, 50 swim on 3 minute intervals.

All of us kick off together. Kicking as hard as we can, breathing hard too. Get to the end, turn, damn board is in the way, and kick back, hanging on for dear life. Throw the board up on the side and go, go, go. Swimming as fast as you can, even faster if you can make it. It's only 50 but you feel like you're going to die.

2:08

Rest - heart beating, breath pounding in and out. Maybe I'll stop here. Maybe I'll just rest. I'm going again. Not thinking about it, just kicking, kicking, kicking. Turn, trying to make it faster this time. kick back, faster, faster. Toss the board and start to swim. My legs are dead. They feel like they're not going to move again for the next million years. That's ok - hit the wall, flip turn, gasp for breath as my head breaks the water. Swim back, turning over my arms as fast as possible, breathing in with every stroke.

2:10

Damn- I was slower that time. Lie back on the water, let it cradle me into it's embrace as every fiber tries to reset itself from this insult I've pushed upon it. Get ready to go - 3rd one, we're in the middle now. Kick again. Fast, fast. I feel the tiredness creeping up my legs, but I ignore it and only think about kicking faster, faster. Hit the wall, throw the board, hear the coach yelling "Go, go!" and I go. Swimming like a shark is after me. Flip turn at the wall, I know I'm going to die from oxygen deprivation from the flip turn, and head back. Realize that I just barely have to turn my head to the side to breathe because of the wake my head is creating in the water. Think about this for a second, as I swim as fast as I can into the wall as the coach is calling out times.

2:07

2:07? 2 seconds faster than the first one, and I feel like I've won some kind of record, as I pant, and pant, trying to regain my breath. Only 2 to go. Kicking again, and my legs are really tired now, but I ignore them and kick as hard and fast as I can. I'm going to keep the same time. I feel like I'm going faster, just a bit. Hit the wall - toss the board and swim. My legs really are dead this time, but my arms are strong. I see the water splashing all around me, this isn't any smooth glide I'm doing here but I've got turnover. Try to bounce off the far end as fast as I can, just because I need to BREATHE! Come up with a huge gasp while my arms continue to churn like windmills and I make my legs help out.

2:09

I don't even care what the time was. I just want to rest. Float on my back hearing my heart beat pounding in my ears. 1 more. Only one. I can do it, it's only one more. At least this is what I tell myself as I line up once again on the wall. And we're off, and I'm not even thinking now, I'm just kicking for all I'm worth. My legs don't like this, but I tell them to shut up, cause they're going to do it whether they like it or not. Hit the wall, toss the board, and go. Trying to get the turnaround faster, faster. I'm breathing like a bellows now, and I can feel the tiredness in my shoulders, my back, my arms. But it's only 50. I can do it for 50. I flip at the wall, dragging in a huge breath as I surface, and head back. All I know is that I'm almost done. I'm trying to finish strong but my tired arms and legs are holding me back. Finally I'm there, and as I grab for the wall the coach says

2:08

Now I can feel the muscle tiredness through my whole body, but I turn and do some more laps, I know I need to work this out so that I feel good tomorrow.

As I get out of the pool, the coach says "Good job, you were really pushing there."

Effort forgotten, I float off.

What makes a runner?

I just finished a book called To The Edge by Kirk Johnson. This book is about a man who becomes a runner and decides to complete one of the toughest ultramarathons out there, Badwater.

Badwater is held in Death Valley. In July. It starts at about 7:00 AM and you run from Badwater (the lowest point in the US) to Mt. Whitney (the highest point in the US.) In July. The race starts in the daytime, so that you get to experience the heat of Death Valley at the hottest part of the year and the race is 135 miles, yes, I said miles, long. It's one of the toughest extreme sports races in the world.

This book was very interesting and I recommend it strongly if you want to understand what makes endurance sports tick. Any endurance sport. As the author says, it's just about refusing to quit and so you go on.

But another point that interested me was how much of this ultramarathon the competitors did not actually RUN but WALKED. They walked when it got to hot to run, or if their feet hurt to much, or if the road was to steep. Yeah, they ran part of it, but not all of it. The average mile time you must hit in order to complete this race in the time cutoff is around 26 minutes. This is ultra slow (maybe that's why they call it an ultramarathon.)

Think about that for a minute. A really good mile time is under 4 minutes. If we're talking about a marathon, 26.2 miles, a world class time would be under 2:10, or almost 5 minutes a mile. At Badwater, the record is about 24 hours 36 minutes, or about a 11 minute per mile pace.

So, the question is, what makes someone a runner? It's not that they run the whole darn way. Cause some of them don't. And, it's not that they are necessarily faster than other runners, cause we have fast runners and slow runners. And, it's not a certain distance, because whether you're busting your guts running a mile, or doing a 100 mile run, we still call both of those people runners.

So, my opinion is that a runner is someone who thinks that they are. In other words, if you ask a runner what they did, they'll say that they ran x amount of distance. Not that they walked it, not that they jogged it. That they RAN.

That self-declaration is what makes someone a runner. Or not.

Relationships

I've had a few of these. Some good, some not so good. I try to look at all of them as learning experiences. What would I do again? What would I avoid like the plague?

I guess I'm thinking about this right now, because I finally feel ready to jump back into the sea of "single and looking."

I really haven't dated at all for over a year. Some of that was very bad personal stuff going on that threw me for a loop. The rest was the fact that a relationship, which meant a lot to me, ended. Or, I accepted that it was over.

The problem was that this guy was, I thought, The Guy. You know. The One. The Only One. In some ways, I felt like he was a reward for all of the weird crap that I'd gone through while dating. Finally, I'd found someone that was not only normal but who I could actually see being in my life for the very long term. Someone who I would actually share closet space with. Someone who would listen to me if I needed to talk. Someone who I could see growing old with, and telling stories about "Do you remember when..."

Have you ever been with someone who you can say anything at all to, and they will never say, "What do you mean?" The thing is, I could say the most elliptical statement and he would pick up on it. And I could do the same for him. This was not just a one-sided affair.

I totally fell for him. Head over heels into love. Not "If I'm not with you I'll die" obsessiveness, but "Wow, you're great and I'd really like to spend the rest of my life with you." The more time I spent with him, the more time I wanted to spend with him. Something as simple as going to the grocery store became a better experience because he was with me.

Then it ended.

The problem was that these feelings I had for him, did not just disappear. They were still there and as strong as ever. The problem was that the dates I tried to go on, I would compare the date guy to my old flame guy and date guy just couldn't cut it. Not because date guy was so bad, but for the reason that he wasn't my old flame.

I talked to my old flame the other day and I realized, with something close to relief, that while I will always care for him and wish him well, I am no longer "in love." I have some distance. Finally.

He sure was a great guy though. My hope is that if I could find him, that there's got to be someone else out there. Someone else who could be The One for me, and I can be The One for him.

Riding a Bike

There's something about riding a bike. You are immediately more aware of your surroundings than you are in a car. You notice things. You hear things.

The breathtaking beauty of a lake and the contrast between the trees, the water, and the sky.

The velvet brown look of the hills dotted with dark green trees.

The small sound of running water as you ride alongside a mountain stream.

The rush of the wind and the beat of your heart as you race down a hill.

A perfect group of tall flowers standing proudly by the roadside.

The taste, smell and texture of the food you eat.

On a bike, you soak these things in. You fully experience them in a way that you never will when you are riding, insulated from the world, in a car.

Dating

Let's just say that dating (as in, the process of going out on a date to find someone interesting) sucks. Okay, if you go out with someone who IS actually interesting and fun to talk to, that is one thing. But all too often, you end up with someone who's along the lines of "If I have to talk to this guy for one more second, I'm going to shoot myself."

These are the guys who give dating a bad name. I'm sure there are some girls out there too, but I don't date them and I just hope I'm not ONE of them.

I've been out of the "single but looking" scene for quite some time. The problem with this is, it gets very comfortable there, but there is something missing, as in, an actual relationship with someone of the opposite sex. I had a long conversation with my friend J about this, and realized I need to get back out there and go through the pain of dating once again to find someone I want to spend some time with.

Types I hopefully won't meet up with again:

Hypochondriac Man - Yeah, tell me all about every single one of your health problems, in gruesome technicolor detail. I really want to know. Not.

Commitment Phobe Man - I really like you, but I don't know if I can commit to going out again next week. It's too soon. Umm... yeah, whatever dude.

Past Relationship Man - Waah, let me tell you all about how my last relationship scarred me for life. But, I still really miss her and want her back. Just Go Away. Far, Far Away.

Mr. I Think I'm Sexy Man - Apropos of nothing, start telling me about all of your physical attributes. "Nine inches of burning love." Uh... did I really hear you say that? NO! Don't repeat it, for heaven's sake.

Indecision Man - Me: So, what would you like to eat? Him: I don't know what do you want to eat? Me: (thinking, I asked first nitwit) - Anything but Indian is good for me. Him: Well, why don't you decide. Me: Ok, Italian. Him: I don't really feel like Italian. Me: AUUUGGHH!!! (Repeat ad naseum.)

Avoid all of the above like the plague.

Dream Big

Author: Unknown

If there were ever a time to dare,
To make a difference
To embark on something worth doing
It is now.

Not for any grand cause, necessarily –
But for something that tugs at your heart
Something that is your aspiration
Something that is your dream.

You owe it to yourself
To make your days count.
Have fun. Dig deep. Stretch.

Dream big.

Know, though,
That things worth doing
Seldom come easy,
There will be times when you want to
Turn around
Pack it up and call it quits
Those times tell you
That you are pushing yourself
And that you are not afraid to learn by trying.

Persist.

Because with an idea,
Determination and the right tools,
You can do great things.
Let your instincts, your intellect
And let your heart guide you.

Trust.

Believe in the incredible power
Of the human mind
Of doing something that makes a difference
Of working hard
Of laughing and hoping
Of lasting friends
Of all the things that will cross your path
Next year
The start of something new
Brings the hope of something great.
Anything is possible.

There is only one you
And you will pass this way but once.

Do it right.

Grateful

Sometimes, we get so focused on what we don't have that we forget to be grateful for what we do have.

As a very large person, someone carrying over 100+ extra pounds around, I find myself always looking at people who seem to be thinner/fitter than I am, and I want to be there. I forget to feel happy with what I can do right now, and I only focus on what I can't do.

I went walking with my friend D last evening. She is shorter, thinner, and seems a lot more graceful than I am. Next to her I feel like a huge elephantine person. This is only what I'm seeing though. Her view was different.

She told me that she wished she was tall, like I am because sometimes, being short is not all that great.

She told me she can't swim.

She told me she can't run, because she has a bad back.

She told me she is pre-diabetic, so she really has to watch what she eats so that she doesn't fall over the edge. She has a family history of diabetes.

I realized something. Yeah, I'm overweight. Yeah, I need to lose weight.

But.

I'm healthy, I can do things she can't do, and I do really like being tall.

I think it's important to remember to be happy with who we are and what we can do right now. I think it's easy to lose sight of this in our constant rush to improve ourselves.

My body can pretty much do whatever I want it to, and that, in itself, is a gift. So many people can't.

Weigh-In

I get on the scale and weigh myself once a week. Not once a day, which I used to do, and which is a recipe guaranteed to drive anyone crazy.

My mood for that day is determined by what the scale says. I know that this is wrong, but the mindset is still there. If the scale is down - I feel great, I feel like I've really accomplished something. If the scale doesn't move - I feel like I coulda, shoulda done better. If the scale goes up - I feel frustrated and like I have failed.

Why is this?

I rationally know that a number shown in a little box does not say whether or not I am a good person, whether or not I have eaten right that week, whether or not I have got my workouts in. And yet.

Every week - I feel as if I am held hostage to the number on the scale.

For the record - this week, the scale was down - and I feel great.

Long Ride

Today I did my longest ride of the year so far. 27.75 miles.

I'm here to say that the last 10 miles of this ride were not all that pleasant. Mostly because I was sick of sitting on the saddle, and my legs were definitely ready to call it a day.

However.

Although I still can't ride up hills that other people (read: thinner/fitter cyclists) can, I CAN ride up hills that when I started riding a few years back caused me to have to stop, pant and rest. Fitness is an interesting thing, and cycling fitness actually seems to have some hold over from year to year. What is really interesting is that hills/rides that took me a LONG time to build up to when I started are just not that big of a deal now. OK, they are hard, because my cycling fitness is not where it used to be, but they aren't "Please, let me die now" kind of events. A ride I approached with trepidation, feeling unprepared for it, actually turned out to be doable. Not easy, but not a killer either.

What do I remember from today?

Really wanting to get off my bike at mile 18, and being SO grateful there was a bench there so I could sit down and rest.

Riding up a hill and thinking "Hey, this isn't so bad!"

The wind in my face.

Enjoying the sight of three or four horses, minding their own business.

Watching the guys at the skate park a little too intently, and riding off the trail, but keeping my head and getting back on track with no harm done.

Drinking in the sight of the hills basking in the late afternoon light.

The sunlight and shadow playing on the fields of grass.

This is why I ride.

Some Days...

Some days suck eggs.

Some days rock.

Today sucked eggs.

Some days - you want to pull up the covers and never come out.

Some days - there just isn't one positive bone in your whole body.

Some days - are days when you feel fat. Really fat. And, it's cause you are.

Those days suck.

I'm back in the workout/training/eating right mode and feeling good about myself. The problem comes when my self-image as a buff, in shape, bad ass athlete comes into collision with my actual self - a very overweight person who still huffs and puffs at the top of a flight of stairs.

Am I in a lot better shape than I was in May? Sure. Do I feel really good about that? Oh, yeah.

I just want progress towards my "ideal" physical self to be faster than it is, and today my bad ass athlete persona had a fight with my fat self, and unfortunately, the fat, bad attitude side of me won.

So, I had a pity party. So sue me.

Running in the dark

Some days suck eggs.

Some days rock.

This was a rocking day. It didn't really start out that way as I was busy procrastinating most of the day, but I finally did pull myself together and go workout.

I don't know what happened, maybe it was something about running in the dark.

Running in the dark is different from running in the daylight. No-one else is out there. You can't really see where you're going. (Note: Don't run in the dark unless you're running somewhere you've run many, many times before.) You can't see your feet. You can't see your watch. You can't see the normal landmarks that you use to judge your workout or that you use to say to yourself "I'll just make it to that tree/bush/pole and then walk."

None of that exists. Just you and the movement of running and your trust that this path that you've travelled so many times will still be acting like it always does and you will be able to meet it right with your feet.

So. I started running. And I kept running. And I didn't stop, and I found a pace that I was comfortable with and a zone that I could move through without too much effort. And I kept going. I knew where the ups and downs of the path were, but for some reason, they did not seem as large as they always are when it's daylight. I went by how my body felt, and I just ran.

I ran the whole way. The first time in, maybe, forever, I ran. Without walking and without, for the moment, wishing I was faster, or better, or more in shape. I just ran.

Maybe it was just a dream. Running in the dark.

Procrastination

I am the world champion of procrastination.

I swear, I need a to-do list every day so I can get stuff done that I want to get done. I can, quite literally, mess around all day, with an end result that nothing has been accomplished for the whole, entire, day, or week, or month.

Some of it is pure laziness.

Some if it is avoidance. Yeah, there's stuff I need to do, that I don't want to do - so I mess around, until it's too late to do it. Every day.

Case in point?

Doctor's Appointment.

With the fact that I now have a full-time, paying job with actual medical benefits comes the fact that I really should get myself a doctor's appointment and get a physical. I haven't had one in at least 5 years. I've been procrastinating this since September 2004, which was when I actually got the job, that gave me the benefits, etc.

Why don't I want to do this? Cause I don't want to hear what they'll say, although, realistically, I already know.

What'll the doctor say?

"You need to lose weight, you're in the dangerously overweight area." - Like this is a big newsflash.

"Your cholesterol is high." - Ditto the above.

So, the question becomes, WHY am I avoiding this?? It's not like I don't already know these things, or that I'm fooling everyone into thinking I'm really skinny when I'm not.

Sometimes, I really feel frustrated with myself.

Fred

There's a guy who shows up to every single one of the open water swims that I've done through Pacific Masters. I mean, every one. His name is Fred. Now, I don't know Fred personally, but I know who he is. I think anyone who's done a couple of open water swims through Pacific Masters knows who Fred is.

He's the guy who comes in last. Every time.

He's been there at Lake Berryessa, every year I've done that swim. He's there at Lake Del Valle. This weekend, he was there at Lake Donner. If he wasn't there something would be missing. And his name would be Fred. When I saw Fred there, I knew I could do the swim. Why? Cause if Fred was doing it, then I could do it.

Mostly everyone will be standing around finished with the swim, and we'll be waiting for the last few swimmers to make it into the shore. You check on the last kayacker (who is bringing up the rear) and you know that person will be escorting Fred. He's got a distinctive stroke, and everyone will say, oh, here comes Fred. When Fred comes out of the water - he gets the most applause of all and people will rush to help him, if he looks like he needs it.

Fred is shaky on his pins - and usually someone will offer to carry his stuff for him. Fred is brown as a berry, with sticky out ears, and a nice face. Fred wraps his feet in duct tape for swimming, I don't know why. It's quite obvious that Fred loves open water swimming, just for the sake of swimming, cause Fred is not out there breaking any speed records.

Fred looks like he's in his late 50's or 60's, but in reality Fred is 80+ years old. Fred is totally cool.

Maybe one day, I can help him with his stuff.

Donner Open Water Swim

Today I swam Donner Lake. Not just across the lake. Oh no. Down the longest part of the lake. I swam it end to end. 2.7 miles worth of swimming. I still cannot quite believe that I did it.

This was an organized swim put on by the Sierra Nevada Masters and it was cool. How many times in your life do you get to jump into a body of water, disregard the boats and just swim? How many people can say they've done something like that?

The last part of this swim was difficult for me, as my arms were so tired that freestyle was a real challenge. I reverted to breaststroke a lot. I admit to thoughts of quitting during the swim - but mostly it was a meditative experience. Me, the water, the sun, the shore. Swimming at it's best.

Officially Complete

Today I went over to Cal State and handed in the rest of the paperwork and forms so that the State of California will recognize me as an official teacher.

I taught last year, but on an "emergency credential" (i.e. I had to take some coursework to prove that I can actually teach) and now, once the Credentialing Agency sends me the certificate, I'll be an official holder of a Preliminary Credential. That will probably be in six months, based on their speedy turn around time for my prior credentials.

And, yeah, you read that right. I'm still not fully certified, I'm only Preliminary. I still need to take 5 more classes, plus go through the You-Are-A-New-Teacher-So-We-Are-Going-To-Support-You-Whether-You-Like-It-Or-Not-Program. This whole process will take another two years.

Teaching is the only profession that I know of that is so low paid while at the same time requiring so much certification. Based on what I made before this (Project Management at a software firm) and the amount of work I did - I should be making at least double what I make as a teacher. Plus all of these added required classes are not paid for by the district or the state. Oh no. That all comes out of your pocket, and it does add up to quite a bit, especially when you compare it to the amount you make as a full-time teacher.

I am looking for another job, and this is one of the reasons. After only one year, I'm sick of working so hard, for such a pittance of a salary.

Things that are Impossible to Open

Today I needed to open a bottle of weed killer. You might not think that this is such a big deal, but you would be wrong.

Why is it that products are coming more and more with impossible to open sealed caps?

I take the lid off the bottle. Underneath the lid is one of those sealed paper things that are ostensibly supposed to make sure that you know your product has not been tampered with. It's easy to tell, because NO ONE could tamper with it as the da** things are impossible to remove. There is nowhere to get a grip on them, and they appear to be integrated to the top of the bottle. After spending some time trying to pry it open with my fingernails (this did not work, btw) I then decided to punch a hole in it with a screwdriver. Why a screwdriver? Cause it's Weedkiller - and I'm not going to use a knife - I might then use the knife to eat with and poison myself. So. After punching a hole in the top with the screwdriver, I now have a paper capped bottle with a screw-driver shaped hole in the top.

I could now use my fingers to remove the rest of the cap. Which I did. Unfortunately, during this process I did get some amount of weedkiller on my hands, as it was impossible to remove the cap otherwise.

After this whole, extremely frustrating, experience, I then assuaged my feelings by going out and spraying the stuff on some poor unsuspecting plants, whose only crime was to be growing where I didn't want them to grow.

I've washed my hands really well of course, but I have to wonder if this is some deep laid plot on the part of the companies to cause maximum irritation in their customers.

... In the boardroom ...

"Heh, heh - hey, I know, let's start putting on caps that are impossible to remove! We'll call it a security measure!"

Everyone sitting around the table laughs insanely and passes the motion.

This is the real reason we have these things plastered onto otherwise innocently usable products.

Missing my kids

Last year, July 1, is when custody officially changed over to my ex-husband, so that he is now the primary custodial parent. He has the kids 75% of the time and I have them 25%. It's been a year, and it's still hard. It was so not my choice, it was their choice.

This year, I had the kids for the month of July. It was great. We were all together for a week, then my son went to scout camp for a week, which let me hang out with my daughter, then my daughter left for girls' camp while my son returned from scout camp, which let me hang out with him for a week. I really enjoyed those two weeks where I got to just spend time with each of them separately. I felt like I was really building my relationship with the kids.

Then we went to Utah to visit the rest of the family for a week. It was a crazy week, but it was also a lot of fun. The big thing we did (I and the kids) was to read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in the space of that one week. I started reading the books to them with the first one, and that was the big thing that they wanted me to do with them this summer before they went back to their Dad's house.

They left yesterday. I won't see them for a month.

I miss them.

Back from Vacation

I just got back from a week of vacation.

It was great, but now I feel like I need some recovery from the vacation! We (I and the kids) went to Utah for our annual summer family visit. It was so much fun. Well, we didn't do anything really spectacular, just caught up with each other, did some activities and so on.

My parents' house was packed with 14 grandkids, 5 kids + various spouses at certain points in time. It's a good thing they have a big house. We had a tent trailer set up outside so some of the older kids slept out there on a rotating basis (girls night then boys night.) My kids are old enough (13 and 15) that I don't really worry about what they are doing, i.e. no disciplinary moments for me. I didn't go to bed before midnight on any night, so I'm definitely short on sleep, but it was more than worth it.

We played games - sometimes until 4:30 am, the kids got together and played games almost every day, my son was in his element, he loves to play games with other people. He plays online games a lot but there is something very satisfying about the interaction between a board game (if it's a good one) and the people playing the game.

We spent a lot of time talking and joking around with each other. It was great to have everyone together that hasn't actually happened for a while, due to other commitments.

There was lots of really fattening stuff to eat, cookies, brownies, a 5 lb box of chocolates, and since my sister is addicted to these chocolate donuts that you can only buy in Utah, we had a lot of those too.

We also spent a lot of time working on the Craft of the Year, which this year happened to be tie-dye. So, a lot of time was spent, tying, dying, and checking out the tie-dyed items once they were finished. It's a lot of work which is why we don't do it every year, but it was a lot of fun, and everything turned out cool, even if not exactly as expected.