Pierce: (1) To cut or pass through with or as if with a sharp instrument; stab or penetrate. (2) To make a hole or opening in; perforate.
Do you ever feel like the universe is laughing up it's sleeve at you?
I was ready to bike commute today. Bike, Check. Stuff for Work, Check. Lunch, Check. I got everything put together including mega amounts of food. (Cause if you're a teacher, working on site before the students return, they don't feed you.) I drove to the park and ride lot. So far, everything is peachy keen.
Got the bike out, pumped up the tires, got the backpack I'm ready to go.
About a mile into the ride the back tire goes flat. (Note: Why is it always the back tire that goes flat when you are in a hurry?) Uh oh. Didn't give myself enough time for a flat on the way there. Ok. I will fix it and just ride back to the park and ride lot and then drive the rest of the way. Otherwise, I'll be late, which would be Very Very Bad.
I get the tire off, and there is a huge stick stuck through the tire. (Note: It wasn't THAT big, but man, when it's stuck through your tire and you cannot, damn it, get it OUT! it starts to assume the proportions of a small tree.) Took me forever to remove the stick from the tire. A few bike people happen by and ask if I need help, but no, I have everything I need, I just need a pair of industrial pliers to get this stupid piece of wood OUT of my tire.
In the meantime an Ancient Chinese Guru comes by and hangs around for a while just to offer "helpful" comments.
Ancient Chinese Guru: Confucius say - Skinny tires - bad, not sturdy! (Thumps gently on my front tire, which is just FINE thank you.)
Me: Look at him, and go back to absorbing task of removing stick from rear tire.
Ancient Chinese Guru: Confucius say - Get a fat tire bike. Strong, like ox.
Me: Nod while thinking - Would you kindly just go back to your fortune cookie, or wherever you came from, and leave me alone?
Ancient Chinese Guru: I have fat tire bike, never a problem!
Me: Oh.
Ancient Chinese Guru: Gives up on me and walks down the path.
Finally, finally, I have the tube on, the tire on, and the CO2 and I am ready to pump up the tire. Pump it up, get on, pedal twice, and the tire goes flat AGAIN! Why me? That's ALL I want to know. I'm ready to get off and walk back to my car, really fast, as I don't want to damage my rim, but coming back towards me, who do I see? That's right. Very Helpful Chinese Guru Guy. So. I pedal by him, as if I don't have a care in the world. As soon as I get around the corner, I get off and start hoofing it back to the car.
As I'm walking, Helpful Bike Guy comes along. Asks me if I need a tube, I say No, cause I'm almost there. Then in a display of brilliant obviousness tells me that my tire isn't on the rim. Duh. I know my tire is half off, that is because my tire is Flatter Than a Pancake. All right? Just go away.
Make it back to my car, after about a million years, put my bike in the car, put myself in the drivers seat, and stress out all the rest of the way to work about being late.
I arrive at 7:56 am, race to my room, change my clothes at the speed of light and arrive at the meeting at 7:59 am.
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